Can you imagine

Can you imagine how dreary, dead, and awful winter would be without snow? I hear people complaining about it, and I just want to yell at the top of my lungs that they need to thank God for the beauty in a drab season! I LOVE winter. LOVE. Not just a little, a LOT. The cold? Yeah, it can stink when you get that chill in your bones that just won't go away. However, that's also why God gave us the resources to invent hot tea, hot chocolate, and my personal favorite.... COFFEE!!!

Today, I am thanking God for the beauty that I woke up to. I thanked Him the whole trip, creeping along, taking the kids to school. I love the snow. And it's finally here!!!

Thanksgiving 08

As I am sure you all know we went to Omaha to spend the day with Dad's family. I made pies, Jeremy made stuffing, and we helped Mom with the other sides. Here is a little run down....

Wednesday afternoon when the little ones were napping and the older ones outside running around blowing off steam (something that seems months ago with the chill in the air this morning), I decided to start on a couple of the four pies I was to make. We were headed to Omaha that evening, so I figured getting a little head start would do me good. Started blending the first crust. I have to admit that my first crust is always a little trying and usually gets pitched, so I don't stress over it, knowing the following crusts will be perfect. Yeah. Usually. I rolled out the first one and the waxed paper stuck like glue. Ok, no biggie! Threw it away and started a new one. Yeah. Same deal. Pitched it. Deciding it was the Crisc0, I opened a new container of "lard" and went back to work. DRAT!!!! UGGGHHHH!!!!!! Nope. Tried a fourth one, started bawling, called the hubs to stop and get me some **colorful metaphor** store bought crusts NOW!!!! I don't know what happened. I tried everything. They were ALL too wet and no matter how much flour I added, they were poo. I honestly spent all of my Wednesday crying. I NEVER get emotional over things like that. NEVER. It's just pie crust for Pete's sake! Not this time. This time, somehow, I felt like a huge failure. Like I had let everyone down. Needless to say, everyone loved the pies. Next year, I will do my best to try try again, knowing now that it really doesn't matter I can always buy some!

Fast forward to that night. We put the kids to bed and sat up with Mom and Dad and Rob. Something we haven't really done in a long time. Sure we get together, but to sit and talk like we did that night doesn't happen often. It was wonderful. And, as you can imagine, funny.

Thanksgiving Day was relatively (HA!) uneventful. One aunt tried to make it a sad day, but thankfully the majority ruled and it was VERY fun. Funny event of the day:

We were sitting at the tables downstairs stuffing ourselves silly. At the end of the meal, as we were all sitting there talking, Mom got this look of horror on her face and tried to quietly get Rob's attention. I should mention here that we had disconnected the dryer down there to hook up another stove to cook the stuffing and people had been going in and out of the laundry room to get said dish. The table we were sitting at pretty much faced the laundry room. Yeah. Mom's "over the shoulder boulder holders" had been hanging above the stove the entire time!!!!!! SHE WAS MORTIFIED!!!! Needless to say we all had a roaring laugh over it. The funniest part is that no one that had gone in there even noticed! Guess that's a testament to Jeremy's stuffing!!!!

All in all, a wonderful day. VERY tiring. I had a strong need to just get away from everything once we got back to Lincoln that night, so my brother took me to play some Keno. We lost. A LOT. But it was awesome to just hang out, just the two of us, and chat a while.

Life is good.

Soooo....

I keep trying to think of something to post about. I don't feel like there is anything to really write about though. So, I thought I would just sign on to let you all know I am still alive and kickin!!!

I am sad that we won't be together for Thanksgiving this year. I hope you all have a wonderful day and MBG, if you need to hear from family, let us know, we will call!!!!

Love you all and we will see you (some) on Christmas Eve!!

Poor Addison....

Have I ever mentioned that Jenna is a horse lover? Maybe I should say she has an obsession. I really am not kidding here. This child is so obsessed that when we go to a store, she will separate from the group to go look for horse attire. If we are in a toy department, she goes straight to the horse section (yes, there are sections with horse stuff). It doesn't matter if it's MLP or random things, she begs for it ALL.

Welllllll......


I just got an email from one of Addison's GS troop leaders that I have become rather close to. They had a cookie sales meeting today to talk about somethings with sales this year. Guess what the theme of all the prizes is.....

HORSES

Poor Addison. I think for Christmas I may buy her a fireproof lock box for her to lock up all of her winnings away from her sister. Poor thing. I even asked if Jenna could join our troop this year, just for cookie sales!!! LOL! Of course, she is much too young. I am thinking I may have Jenna go along on all of the sales trips just so she has to do some of the work to be able to play with the toys.

Seriously folks. What are the chances??? Not to mention when and if Jenna is ever in scouts, they won't ever have a horse theme. You know. Murphy's law and all.

Lunchtime discussion

Jenna: Mom (pause) can you get me (pause) some (pause) hiccup medicine?

Me: (trying not to laugh) Oh, honey, there isn't hiccup medicine. Just try taking a drink.

Jenna: You (pause) are super smart (pause) Mom. You need to (pause) make some (pause) hiccup medicine (pause). I know (pause) you are (pause) the best for (pause) doing it.

Where has it gone???

No this isn't another post about losing something tangible. Just time. I hadn't realized I hadn't been on here for a while until OM brought it to my attention. So, a quick post about nothing.

I have been fighting a TERRIBLE cold this last week. I felt it coming on last week and told myself mind over matter and popped some vitamin C capsules daily. In a couple of days, all signs were gone. PHEW! And then, one morning, I woke up and couldn't breath and when I did draw a deep breath, hacked and coughed something awful. I thought I was over it yesterday, and now today I feel worse than I have through the entire bout. Ugh. And on Halloween.

Today, just trying to keep my head above water (funny because I do kinda feel like I am drowning, not being able to breathe and all) and keep the kids somewhat calm about tonight. At 2, the festivities will commence. First with Hubs' workplace, then on to the neighborhood stuff. I am hoping we will be home somewhat early so the kids hit their sugar crash and go to bed at a decent time. We will see who actually wins that one! LOL!

Anyway, that's about it in a nutshell. Hope you all have a wonderful Halloween! Can't wait to see pictures!

Busy night

Well, we made the globlins. We also made popcorn ball pumpkins . They weren't hard to make, but they were VERY time consuming.

Globlins

It's that time. We get to make fun Halloween stuff to send to preschool. I don't think we are supposed to send homemade things to the elementary school, but I might try it anyway. The older kids are already whining about not getting to take them.

Anyhew..... I thought I would share the recipe. I basically picked this one because there is a girl in Jenna's class that has a food allergy to dairy and nuts. This SHOULD be safe.

6 cups kix cereal
3 tablespoons butter or margarine
4 cups miniature marshmallows
12 drops green food color
24 orange circus peanut candies
24 candy coated chocolate candies
red string licorice cut into 24 one inch
pieces

1) line 2 cookie sheets with waxed paper in a large bowl place cereal

2) .in a 4- quart sauce pan, melt butter over low heat add marshmallows, stir until completely melted. remove from heat stir in food color. pour marshmallow mixture over cereal in bowl stirring until well coated

3 ) for feet place 2 peanut candies on a cookie sheet. spray the inside of 1/2 cup measuring cup with cooking spray .for the body fill sprayed 1/2 cup measuring cup with warm cereal mixture place over feet releasing cereal mixture and covering back half of the feet repeat with remaing peanut candies and cereal mixture to make 12 globins immedaitely attach chocolate candies for eyes insert licorice for antenna.


Also, here is a PDF link if you want to see a picture. It's a very small picture at the very bottom of the last page in the PDF.
http://bettycrockercommunity.com/pdfs/pb/Sneak_up_on_Halloween.pdf

Off to the grocery store!!!!

Where does the time go?

It seems like I run run run and clean clean clean and you can't tell I do either! Oh well...

In the last week, I have had the scare of one child breaking a nose, one child that shocked me beyond belief in school work, and one that just seems to grow 3 inches every night in her sleep.

The nose:

I really wish I had pictures of this. However, it seems that a soon to be nine year old doesn't see the same humor in a swollen face as a mother might. Let me rephrase that. She doesn't see the humor in the story like I do. I didn't laugh at the wound, just the story. I digress.

Some friends from Norfolk (OM, remember Kathy and Dominick (the ring bearer) from my wedding?) came to stay with us last weekend. They arrived at 9:17 pm on Friday night. Isn't it amazing how you don't notice these things until something big happens??? Kathy and I sat and started chatting and catching up and the kids went downstairs to play, where they could be loud and not interrupt us. Much like Aunt J's house. :) At 9:23, yes just 5 minutes after their arrival, the boys came running upstairs screaming and hollering for me to come downstairs. No sooner did they reach me and I heard blood curdling screams coming from Addison in the basement. I have to be honest here. She is quite the drama queen. So I wasn't overly concerned until I saw her face. She was twirling in the basement, lost her balance, and landed flat on her face (literally) on the concrete floor. Blood EVERYWHERE. Nose so swollen I don't know how she could see, and her upper lip was so swollen that she honestly looked like a bird when she closed her mouth. I cleaned up the blood to find that it wasn't coming from her nose (good sign) it was coming from her lip and a little cut on the bridge of her nose. Oh... I forgot the bruise on her left elbow. She was convinced that her arm was broken and the bone was going to come out because she has never had an actual "goose egg" injury. Yes, she has had bruises, but never one that swelled up like that. She just knew the bone was going to puncture her skin. Rather sad actually.

I called TLC (Telephone line to care. Ask a nurse. GREAT invention!) and as soon as she answered, I started laughing, stating that if I didn't, I was going to cry. She was a wonderful woman that understood exactly where I was coming from and told me exactly what to do. From the call, we decided her nose wasn't broken, only bruised, but if the swelling hadn't gone down the next morning, we needed to take her in.

Needless to say, the swelling went down, the eyes and nose turned that nasty black/blue/purple/yellow/green bruise, and now are back to normal.


Guess this will be a lengthy post.....

Last week, on Tuesday, we went to PT conferences for the two older children. Addison's was first. I have to admit, I had reservations about her teacher this year. Not because I think she is a bad person, I don't even know her to make that claim. It was because her personality is so polar opposite of Addison's previous teachers. I was worried that she would, in a way, scare Addison. I don't really mean scare, but I can't find the word, forgive me. Back to school night, she seemed as though we were all wasting her time, but the night of conferences, she was AWESOME! She talked our legs off and had nothing but good to say about Addison. I think they have hit it off well, and that makes me VERY happy. She had wonderful things to share about Addison and how well she is doing and we left feeling really good about our daughter's education and successes in school. Again.

Then off to Zack's conference. I really was nervous about this one. He is just so..... Zack. He never wants to sit and listen to a book. He never wants to talk about numbers or to be taught anything. He wants to do it ALL on his own and doesn't want help from big people. See why I was nervous? He is my little man that walks to the beat of his own drum. HOWEVER. His teacher is seriously one of the most miraculous women I have ever met in my life. She has figured him out in a matter of days and has him learning at the top of his class!!!!!! I must be clear here. It isn't that I wondered if he is smart. I know he really is very intelligent. Even if he wasn't top of his class, I wouldn't care, but I think you all get what I am saying here. I honestly had no idea he would take off this quickly. I thought he would be.... well.... a boy! LOL! I thought he would be like my brother who didn't really care about the studies, but about P.E. and lunch and recess. Not Zack. WOW. She showed us his journal. This is a book that has blank pages with a large box at the top and 2 lines at the bottom. The idea is for the kids to draw a picture and then "write" their story on the lines. The teacher then comes around to translate the idea below the child's writing. Only one of Zack's had the teacher's writing on it. All of the others, if you looked at his writing and sounded out the sounds, you could honest to Goodness understand exactly what he was saying!!!! For example, he wrote "GOCRT". Guess what the picture was of? A GOCART! He drew a picture of him and Jeremy playing a video game that they have been trying for about a year to beat together. It's called Ratchet and Clank. He spelled it "rtchit and clnk". Seriously?!?!? Zachary?!?!? IN THE SECOND WEEK OF SCHOOL?!?!?! I was elated to tears. I have never thanked a teacher like I thanked Mrs. Shurmann that night. It just amazes me.

This brings me to Jenna. There isn't a lot new with her. She is doing wonderfully in preschool, too. She loves it. She does NOT love the days she doesn't have school, that is for sure. I do have issues with her growing, though. I have, twice since school started, taken her clothes shopping only to have her outgrow everything in a matter of a week or two. The second time I got smart and bought everything a little big so that if she grows again it will still fit. Although, that's a lot easier to do with winter clothes than summer, I think.

One last thought. Kids' jeans really suck man. I mean REALLY suck. I want to meet the children they use for their guidelines. And then I want to take all of those guidelines and flush them down the toilet and line up all the REAL kids in the world and measure them! Uggghhhhh!!!!!

Clarifying....

I didn't mean to sound like I felt it was her fault in that call. I do realize she was doing her job. She isn't the one that wrote the script. The thing that angers me is the people that ARE making up these surveys. They are VERY one sided and there aren't enough educated people, such as ourselves, that know the difference. It just makes me crazy to think these are the people "helping" me vote for a better life!!!

I have a question....

Now, I know that it's not a good idea to talk politics. However, I am open to others' opinions, it just doesn't mean it will change mine. That being said, feel free to ramble on when I am done.

I won't lie, I am a little behind on the debates (Presidential). I had company when the first one was on, so I recorded it and am just now getting the time to sit and watch it tonight.

I am maybe 15 minutes into it and the phone rings. I have that handy little thing that pops up on my tv screen to tell me who it is. It's all 0s. I answer. It's a pollster. Pardon me. A surveyor. Asking me about our Legislative candidates. I was honest and said that I hadn't had a chance to research them as of yet because I am a little behind this year and am still looking into the Presidents. (Believe it or not, I really spend a LOT of time researching these people on the internet before I go vote. I even do research up until I walk out the door to cast my ballot). The woman on the other end asked if I would be more willing to vote for candidate A or B if the election were today. I said I don't know. She then went on to talk about candidate A's promises but said nothing of candidate B's. Then repeated the first question. I again answered I don't know. When she asked if I had any other comments, I said this:

"How can I vote based solely on what you just told me? I am not trying to be harsh, but I told you in the beginning I had no idea who either person was and yet you told me only about one. Do people really make their decisions based on the "truths" of only one candidate, not knowing anything about the opposing other than their name (because they see it on the ballot) and their party (which they also see on the ballot)? This is honestly what is wrong with our government right now, ma'am. People are uninformed about who it is they are voting and then when it all goes to pot, they blame it solely on the President. Never mind all of the hands and minds things have to go through before the President even sees them. I am sorry that I have wasted your time by not being swayed by what you told me tonight, but I am beginning to realize with the more and more calls I get like this that I can't believe what I see on the news anymore about who is being voted for. And the reason I say that is because with each call these uninformed people get, they are changing their minds over and over based only on the information given them, at that moment, in that call. Have a good evening. Goodbye."

Rude? Probably. Too much honesty for a probable college student just trying to pay rent? Yeah, it is. However.... maybe she will think about what I said before SHE votes and will educate herself on more than just the one person paying her to ask these questions. Poor girl should work for Pizza Hut instead. She would get yelled at a lot less.

Sheesh

Just got done reading OM's post about 81 days. I should link it, but know by the time you get here, you will have already read it. So here are the thoughts going through my head.....

It's gonna be a mixed bag this year. The loss of one, the addition of another. The circle of life. And thanking God for it all.

This year I am not going to complain when I have to stand in line. I actually usually do pretty good with the hustle and bustle of the shopping. I really do thank God while I do it (several times a minute), reminding myself how lucky I am to have family and friends to share the holidays with and thanking Him for the Reason of the Season. It really is that simple.

I am going to minimize. I am going to spend less time worrying about the perfect gifts. Besides, I already got them. They are going to Mom and Dad this year. It's gonna be AWESOME. The others are just going to be kind of "thinking of you" gifts. There are bigger things this year. And the big thing isn't going to be there in person. It's gonna be rough.

I don't know what it is about the holidays that makes a person miss loved ones more than usual. Do you? What are your thoughts on this? I think of Grandpa Shafer often, but during the holidays he is ever present in my mind. Same with Uncle Myron. Remember him and Uncle Paul sitting at the kids' table?!?! I miss that. And now, this is Grandma Wells' favorite time of year and the wounds are still so fresh. It isn't that I am sitting here dwelling. It's that I have a lot of her decorations and as I put them out, I am reminded. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten them out yet this year. Maybe I should have waited. Oh well. Time heals. This helps.... maybe....

Anyhew..... 80 some days. Phew. Seems like a while. But really, it isn't. I can't wait for the music. I can't wait for the sermons.

But first..... THANKSGIVING!!!!! YAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

God IS laughing

So on my way to take Jenna to preschool yesterday, guess what I saw on the side of the highway? A BUSTED DUST PAN! It was NOT mine. This one was blue, mine was clear.

But seriously....

God does have a sense of humor.

Still MIA

I am going to the store and getting a new dust pan. I have looked in toy boxes, in closets, it cupboards, even in the freezer. It's gone. Until I buy a new one. Good thing it was only a dollar. HA HA

Close but no cigar

And no it isn't a cigar missing.

IT'S THE DUST PAN!!! You were close Mama. Your other guesses were awesome. Thanks for the laughs!!! LOL!

Ok, so do you know how frustrating it is to sweep without a dust pan?? It used to be I didn't have one. I used a Dust Buster to suck it all up. Then that wonderful little thing died and it was just cheaper to get a dust pan and deal with that little line of junk that is always left no matter how hard you try to get it all up.

But now, I have to drag out the good ole Dy$on and use the wand to suck it up. Which is fine, but just one more thing to get out and put away.

The dust pan has been attached to my broom for ages. Eons. We just used it last Saturday to sweep up Addison's hair. Now it's gone. I suppose maybe it was thrown away. But I think I remember it on Monday.

Oh well. The trick now is to remember to get one when I am at the store next. No easy feat, I tell ya. I have Sometimers.

Another victim

The black hole has taken another victim. Last time I spoke of the black hole, it had taken all of my pens (Mama.... want my address??;)). Well now it has gotten an item that only will be lost in MY house.

Don't laugh at me.

Are you ready?

Take a guess what you think it is.

Actually.... here is what I am going to do. I am going to leave you hanging. I want to know what you all think is now lost. I will come back and post again and tell you what it actually is when I see your replies. This will be fun.

Brainstorm. I will bet that none of you can guess what it is. I really can't believe it's missing. This is just too much. HA HA

No more wordless

First, I want to tell "mama" that I think one of the best gifts you could give a person is your hair. As long as I can remember in my life, I remember ALWAYS loving YOUR hair. It is, by far, the most beautiful hair I have ever seen in my life. And I have seen a LOT of hair.

Second, that thought leads me to why I am posting.

I miss Grandma. So bad so that I am crying as I type this. Does anyone watch Bo$ton Leg@l? This week was against Big T0bacco. The firm won, BT lost.

When they talked about the anguish and the pain of the cancer, I almost threw up. I mean that quite literally.

But this is what is really on my mind.....

Why is it that directly after a loss, the support is unbearable but when it..... well.... what is the word I am looking for????...... "passes", the support is gone?!?!? Don't people realize that the time AFTER is the worst??? The times when you are sweeping with her broom and lose it in the middle of your kitchen floor. The times when you are dusting his humidor and tear up because you can still smell him as if he is there in the room. The times when........

Why don't they call anymore? Why don't they email? Do they really think it's all better?


I MISS HER. I WANT HER HUGS. I WANT TO HEAR HER LAUGH. I WANT TO SEE HER SMILE. I WANT HER TO ROLL HER EYES AT ME!!!! I WANT HER TO SAY HER LOVE CUP NEEDS FILLED!!! I MISS HER!!!!!!!!

Wordless Donation

Drat!

OM called me out on it. Maybe I lied. A little. I should have said ONE OF MY FAVORITE SMELLS.

OM.... you are so right. People accuse me of loving fall because it's when my birthday falls. No. I love EVERYTHING about the fall. When I am asked why I love the "dying" colors of fall and not the "living" colors of spring, my answer is easy. In the spring, I know what is coming in a couple of months..... SWEAT. I LOATHE SWEAT!!! Same reason I don't have a gym membership. I HATE SWEAT!!!! However..... fall..... oooooooh fall. How I love you. Your colors. Your smells. The snow to soon follow. I love it. Best of all? Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday.

Speaking of smells, what better smells than the smells of Thanksgiving? I mean really folks. Pumpkin pie. Turkey. Taters and gravy.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Yes. I lied. But not intentionally.

Fall, you are my FAVORITE.

Two in one day again?!?!

I just decided my new favorite smell is the Febreze Linen and Sky spray. Aaahhhhh it's so wonderful. Too bad it seems like the rest of the world loves it, too. Every time I look for it, the spot is empty. Darn the luck!!!

Today I'm thanking God

For my dad.

A lot of people are watching the news about the horrible market crash today. I think.... I may be wrong.... that I heard them (the news) say that it was the 6th worst crash in history. Ok, that I can handle. It's the stock market. Ride it out. But....

I think that one of the biggest reasons (again this is my opinion, not necessarily fact) that these companies are going under is because of the awful thing called the ARM loan.

A few years ago, I almost ignored my dad's advice on getting an ARM loan on a house that I wanted so terribly for my family. Can you imagine where I would be right now if I had ignored his wisdom???? I would be bankrupt and homeless with a husband, three kids, a dog and a cat. Well.... maybe the animals wouldn't be with us. We may have made chinese one night. Hee hee.

Thank God fro my dad. He was adamant that we didn't need the house that bad if we would have to take an ARM loan. I really can't explain to you how close I was to saying my normal "Let me learn from my own mistakes, Dad". But, I didn't. Thank God. And I still have a roof over our heads and not near the worries that thousands of jobless people who worked for these companies have now.

Who is the jerk that thought of ARM loans and why did ANYONE think they would be a GOOD thing?!?!?!? I may have to research this a bit more. My mind is boggled.

Make sure you add the people who lost their jobs today in your prayers. And the stock brokers. Poor people. I can't imagine. Thank Goodness I live in podunk Nebraska where things of that nature are so foreign.

Blog Happy

Post #3 for the day. Hmmm....

So, as I am cleaning up the house, I am also paying bills. A question pops into my mind every time I go to pay bills. WHERE DO ALL THE PENS GO?!?!?! Does anyone have a map to this black hole dimension so that I can save just a couple pennies a year on new pens?

Dilemma

I am having an internal conflict. I REALLY want to order the 'Skers tomorrow. I just don't know. $30. But I LOVE the 'Skers! Anyone wanna come watch with me so I don't feel like I am wasting the money??????

TGIF!!!!!!

So, after I stopped crying the other day, I called my Aunt Jan. She is my grandma's younger sister. She has become my lifeline. Not that she would ever even dream of replacing my grandmother, she has told me that now instead of calling Hastings, I call Salt Lake. So be it. Her advice:

STOP SAYING YES. I know this. I really do. But, somehow, I until now, I haven't been able to act on it. Yesterday this "friends" friend passed away. Don't get me wrong, this really is a tragedy. She was 31 years old, had brain cancer, and was supposed to have a commitment ceremony this weekend. Instead she is being buried. They were going to have a commitment ceremony because she didn't want her boyfriend to be left with all of her medical bills when she passed. It's VERY sad. But, when my "friend" called to tell me about it yesterday, although I was sad for her, I didn't offer anything other than if she needed someone to talk to she could call. Well, she ended up bringing out beer and munchies (I had supper going when she originally called) and some fun things for the kids. Here is my thinking: if I just keep my distance, she is going to keep paying for things like this and sooner or later, it will be paid off. Does that make sense? If it happens that this new behavior stops, that's fine, I will just keep on keeping my distance. I can't lie.... my give a $hit is busted.

On a higher note. My son. Oh Lord, my son. This may be the longest 13 years of my life. He has been in school for 2 weeks and has decided that the bathroom is the place to get rowdy. According to his teacher, the schools (in their infinite wisdom) decided to replace all of the old style liquid soap pumps with those new fancy shmancy foam ones. It didn't take long for all the boys (thankfully mine isn't the only one!) to figure out that they can clap their hands and the foam flies! Imagine the look on my face when my son comes walking out of the school one day to tell me that he got 2 think times because he was dancing and singing in the bathroom because it echos. Then, a few days later, tells me that he ALMOST got a think time because he was dancing in the bathroom and slipped and fell and another kid was knocked over in the process (said kid was also dancing). It is so hard to keep a straight face and tell him that this is wrong when I can just see him in there dancing and singing like the rock star he hopes to one day be!!!! I went from a quiet, studious daughter to a son that sings and dances in the bathroom. I hate to think what will happen once Jenna gets in there. She is the orneriest of them all!!!!!!!

Walk on

Do you ever get the feeling that there is a sign on your forehead or back that everyone in the world, minus you, can see?!?!? The sign reads: I am a pushover. Feel free to use and abuse me. I will take it, don't worry!

I am owed over $700 by a "friend" that I "loaned" $300 to for a deposit and then she was supposed to pay $50 a week while she lived with us and never paid a red cent. When I say things about how broke we are now, she says things like, "Just transfer money from savings". Ummmm.... the money I used to take care of you was money that we were to be putting into savings, my dear. There is no savings! NONE!! This was money that was to go toward buying a house and getting new furniture. Now, both dreams have been ripped from my hands. What I have been working over a year to achieve now must start over from square one because I, for some reason, feel the need to help every little lost puppy in the world. My mother calls it Uncle Myron Syndrome.

My son came home yesterday distraught because his hoodie wasn't on his hook when he got his backpack. There ya go folks... even an elementary student is getting one up on me. Why do kids feel the need to steal??? My Uncle Myron Syndrome tells me that they must need it worse than Zack does and we can afford to get a new one, so let them have it. However, my temper tells me to go find the kid that is wearing said hoodie and pummel him!!! Write his name on the tag?? Sure.... no problem.... but that doesn't tell me where the hoodie is now. Maybe I will just install GPS chips in all of my kids' belongings.

A skateboard. Yeah. A $10 skateboard. Stolen off my porch.

Laundry soap. I forgot to grab it off the steps when I sat it down to open the door while bringing in groceries. Next morning.... gone.

And I can't move out of here.... why???..... Oh yeah.... BECAUSE MY SAVINGS TO DO SO IS GONE!!!!

I am so down. I picked up the phone this morning, dialed 4O2-463-27O7. Waited for the ring. Got the frelling operator saying this number was no longer in service. Well no $hit, Nikki..... she has been dead for 10 weeks.... how in the HELL did I forget that?!?!!?

Does anyone know of a hole I could just crawl into? I may explode.

Poor Baby

My daycare mom was called to duty with the National Guard this week for hurricane relief. Thankfully, it wasn't overseas. However, she will be gone a minimum of 15 days and her poor daughter is so confused right now it makes me tear up. Cuddling with her on the couch seems to be helping, but it's breaking my heart. She is only 13 months old, not an age to reason with. Poor little thing.

I thank God for our troops. Especially in times like this, when I see a little face that, with every squeak of my screen door turns and looks for mommy only to be disappointed that it's my husband.

PHEW!!!!

Go go go go go go go! It seems that, since school started only a week and a half ago, I haven't been anywhere near a computer long enough to tell anything!

Zack and Addison are both loving school. The morning and bedtime routines have come to be very easy with Zack. I was actually worried about this. He is a night owl and loves to sleep in. Addison would rather go to bed no later than 8 and be up by 7. He is doing pretty well though. And every morning, it's, "Mom, I am going to lay in the tub for a little bit before you wash my hair. Can you make me three scrambled eggs with cheese so they can cool off before I am done?" No problem, buddy! Addison just gets up, takes a bath, and feeds and dresses herself. Although I miss helping her out, I am glad to have one less to have to aide every step of the way.

Jenna isn't taking too kindly to both of her siblings being out of the house all day every day. We spend a LOT of time sitting and reading and cuddling. Not that I am complaining, but she would rather be hangin with the sibs. Oh well. This Friday, the 5th, she will be starting her own school and won't have time to miss them.... or not as much time that is.

As for me, just trying to keep the laundry caught up and meals made and floors vacuumed is keeping me up at night. I don't know how a person like me would ever be able to work outside the home and keep things up. I think maybe it's because I have a little OCD about how things are done around here. I try not to be. I really do. But saying is easier than doing sometimes. I have also come to realize that, even though I wouldn't trade one second of it for the world, taking care of Grandma took a lot away from my housekeeping. I just did the bare minimum while caring for her around here and now it's time to get back on it and git r dunnnnnn!

Speaking of which.... the dryer is buzzing! Until next time!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

She put my St@rbucks mug in the dishwasher!!!!!!!! ON THE BOTTOM RACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry

I know I know. I haven't posted pictures and a story about the first two days of school for Addison and Zack. However, just as I was sitting down to do it today, I got a phone call from a high school friend that another's mom has passed away. I am leaving tomorrow morning to go to the funeral. I will be posting later on. Again, I am sorry and hope that you haven't been waiting anxiously.

Be back Monday. Have a happy weekend!

Encouraging discussions

I have been letting the television babysit today. I have mounds of laundry to do and quite honestly, my kids seem to have a bug (daycare baby included) that has them feeling just enough under the weather that they are laying around quietly and will only eat crackers and drink water (their choices). Anyhew..... I know I was a little cranky the last post about a certain show, but I do have to say not all are bad. For example, we are watching Fr@nklin right now and it has encouraged great talks with the two younger kids. They have been talking about how the one character (the name has escaped me!) wasn't very nice and was making the others make bad choices so that they would fit into his crowd. In the end the "others" decided that they didn't need to be in HIS crowd and if he wanted to be their friend, he would join their crowd and play nice.

I am constantly amazed at how I can tell my children the same thing 100 times over in 50 different ways and they just don't quite get it. However, when a teacher or one of their favorite shows says it, it must be true and they soak it up like little sponges!!!

Oh well.... at least they are getting it, right?!?!?

Am I the only one????

Have any of you ever seen the show M@x and Ruby? I used to think it was cute. Not one of my favorites, but not horrible. The more I watch it, I can't stand it!!!! Am I the only person in the world that thinks things like: Where is their mother? Why is the sister the only one taking care of him?

And.... am I the only one that thinks she is a bit of a nazi? Seriously! She is so rude and snotty and demanding!!!

I made the kids change it tonight. I wasn't even watching it, I was in the kitchen making supper. But just listening to her made me so mad, I made them change it and told them I don't think they should watch it anymore. I just can't take it.

Dancin With Myself

I have been told you gotta love cable. Well, this "wonderful" invention now has my son watching this video over and over and over and over and over and then again. It's become absolutely insane. It all started with my husband looking on the guide for the Music On Demand and scanning the music videos. When he got there, he saw the classics section, saw this video, and we watched it for a good laugh. It took no more, Z was hooked.

Wondering what I am talking about? Wanna take a little walk down Memory Lane??? Here is a link!!! I hope you laugh as hard as we did!!!! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VNx78SAq8M

Ya gotta laugh....

Ok, so. I don't really know how to explain this whole thing. But, yesterday I let Addison have a little friend over. When she got here, she said that the day before was her little brother's birthday. I used to baby sit them. **GASP!!!** Kaden's birthday is August 5th!!!! MY ANNIVERSARY IS AUGUST 5TH!!!! IT'S AUGUST 6TH!!!! Sooooo..... I text my hubs and say "Look at the date!! LOL!" He replies back with.... We are so dumb, this makes two years in a row!!!

HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Who does that?!?!? Really. WHO DOES THAT?!?!

Obviously, WE do that!!!! At least we both have a sense of humor about it, right??

What was lost.....

Now is found!!!! It was in Zack's closet. Jeremy took a game off the floor yesterday and when he rolled it up, it got wrapped up in it. When he put it in the closet, it fell out on the shelf. Sooooo..... we found it!!!! YAAAYYYYY!!!!


How sad is it that life has come to this? Really. I am ready to disconnect the cable and be done with it all. I really mean that. This is insane.

Hee hee

As I was typing the "Ack" in that last post I thought of Grandma Shafer!!! Think of it for a minute, ladies. All of her little sayings. Horse Feathers. For cryin in a bucket. What others are there?????

Where oh where...

Has my cable remote gone? Oh where oh where could it beeeee??? Young and the Restless has already started and I need to seeeeeee!!!! I need that remote to start it over..... where oh where can it beeeeeee?????

(Even a $1 reward isn't helping the kids find it!!! AAACCKKKKK!!!!!!)

4 hours later.....

They finally got the ac fixed. Why they didn't just install a new one, I don't know. It's basically all new now, just in the old shell. So anyway, a condenser unit, a compressor, and a freon charge later, my air is working. Four hours after installation, it still hasn't shut off. At least it's cool in here. I just keep thinking the electric bill may cause a small heart attack at the end of the month!!!!

It's amazing to me how tired I am after sweating all day. I have showered and think I may get the kiddos down and hit the sack myself. Nighty night.... sleep tight!!

Hot hot hot

Of all the times for this to happen..... MY AIR CONDITIONER IS NOT RUNNING!!!!! UGGGHHHH!!!! Maintenance is here and checking the freon levels but holy cow it's hot in here!!!

#2

As I was typing this, I turned around to find my 1 year old daycare baby walking around with 'her' ring and sapphire bracelet in her mouth! She leaves these things laying around on the end tables!!!! Did I mention she leaves them laying next to a large, full cup of water that she gets out of the water jug WE PAY FOR?? And she RARELY drinks all of the water she takes. She will fill a glass, drink maybe 1/4 of it, and the rest gets dumped down the drain. UUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I do this?

Why is it that I offer to help "friends" in need and end up ALWAYS regretting it and getting screwed?!?!? I have a family of 5, why do I feel the need to let "just one more" stay at my house? The last time I did this, I honestly didn't regret it. "Always" is an exaggeration. He didn't do anything out of line. He didn't abuse the situation. He helped out around the house and helped me rein in the kids when needed. HE was a real friend, and VERY grateful. However, this person..... ooooh this person.... I do her laundry, cook her meals, wash her dishes, sweep her hair off of my bathroom floor, listen to her sob stories, the list is getting longer and longer. Oh! Let's not forget!! SHE IS DATING ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS (who still asks about you MBG) AND NOW THINKS SHE JUST WANTS TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE!!!! The last time.... wait.... last TWO TIMES... she dated one of my friends, it ended up in freaking Armageddon and I lost a 20+ year best friend out of the deal and Jeremy lost a good friend of his (of which he has few). She takes my clothes without asking. I don't have a ton of clothes, ya know. She has a TON of work clothes down there and she feels the need to use the two nice outfits I have in my possession?!?!?! Oh and let's not forget! I had set out my things so that I could get up and get ready before the kids got up, trying to get into the school routine, and she came home from work that night and said (in a snide tone),"Thanks for leaving my deodorant and perfume out this morning so I didn't have to go in your room and get them!" Translation: I left MY deodorant and perfume laying on top of my clothes and she felt the need to use MINE AGAIN because she 'is too lazy to go alllll the way downstairs and get hers'!!!

Ok. I have to stop now or I never will. SUGGESTIONS?!?!? Because I can tell you that I am about to blow up and we ALL know what happens when I reach the breaking point!!!

Second Thursday

This is what I saw the first time:





And, last week, on the 24th of July, my second Thursday without a trip to Hastings, this is who I saw instead:





It's amazing to me how a 68ish year old man can still make my heart stop. The first time I saw him, I was with my grandma. My mom was supposed to go along, but got the flu, so Aunt Paula went in her place. It was so awesome. It was my first real concert. Ya know what I mean, my first concert somewhere other than a county fair. It snowed that night. It snowed TONS. But inside the arena, it was warm with the sound of Neil's voice and dance moves.

This time, he danced a lot less, but the sound of his voice hasn't changed a bit. And, my mom got to go with me!!! It was so bittersweet. We laughed, we cried, we danced, we screamed. What a wonderful way to remember one of Grandma's (and my) fondest memories and favorite singers!!!

I LOVE NEIL!!!! (As his t-shirts now read: NEIL ROCKS!!!!)

KOOL@ID BE DAMNED!!!!!!!!

My great Aunt Jan (Grandma's younger sister) and I had a rather long talk last night. It's funny, yet bittersweet, how well my grandmother is keeping us posted on who needs someone. For example, last Thursday, Aunt Jan called me. She said that something was telling her all day to call me and she finally decided to call and see how I was doing. Well, I told her, not great because it was my first Thursday without her. She admitted she didn't understand. Well, that was my day with Grandma, every week, for the last six months. OOOOOHHHH!!! NOW she got it!

Yesterday, I had a little voice telling me to call HER. So, I did. She was NOT having a good day. Everyone keeps calling her to make them laugh and perk them up. While she is the best person on the planet for such a task, her love cup needs to be refilled too (a quote straight from Grandma Barb: "My love cup is getting low, can you refill it?" Thus, you gave her hugs. *sniff sniff*). So, I refilled Aunt Jan's love cup last night. And we had FUN!

This is where the red devil in liquid form comes in to play.

My kids KNOW that they are not allowed to have drinks of ANY kind outside the borders of the kitchen unless there is a lid on said drinks. She followed the lid part. However..... there was no stopper in the lid that she chose. I now have a HUGE red stain on the carpet in front of the tv! And it's not just in the middle of the carpet. Oh no. It's right up against my 5,000,000 pound entertainment center where I can't get the carpet cleaner close enough (even with the hand tools) to get it out!!! UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

SUGGESTIONS?!?!?!?!?!?

Blah

Grief is such an ugly thing. I got home on Friday evening and just piled all of the crap out of the van in my room. There it sits. I have mounds and mounds of laundry to do, a bathroom that is so gross I just want to set off an M-80 and rebuild it, dishes in both basins of the sink that MUST get done, because there are no clean plates or glasses..... the list goes on and on. But I don't want to do any of it. I'm not talking about my normal 'it can wait' attitude when I decide to just take a day off from it all. I am talking that I really don't care if I ever get off the couch and shower again, let alone clean my house. I know this will pass. I know it's just part of the curriculum of grieving. I can't even put this into words, and that makes it even worse for me. I talk things out to help myself work them out. I can't do it. I can't put words to the things that I have seen and endured the last 6 months that just came to a screeching halt. I knew it was coming. I begged it to come, for her sake. But, here I am, left behind to endure the pain in my heart. I KNOW she is healthy again. I KNOW she is happy again. I KNOW it wasn't her I left at the cemetery. But I can't get that through to my heart. My brain gets it all. My heart is shattered. I HATE this. UGH!!!!

Final Trips

My dear Grandma Barb passed away this morning at 1:25. All of her kids got to see her and spend a little time with her before she went on her way. She was with my Aunt Leslie and the hospice nurse, Halli, that I spoke so highly of in a previous post.

Addison is so sad. I just can't quite get to her that Grandma is in a much better place and that she can still hear her, if she listens, in her heart. I, on the other hand, am not as sad. Not today anyway. My Grammy is in a wonderful, happy, joyous place where she can walk and talk and be merry again..... with Grandpa! Thirty years is a long time to wait to be with your spouse again. They are finally happy. They are at peace. Thank you God for calling her Home. She deserves it all.

The funeral is Friday at 10 am. Then, I will be sad. I already miss her smile.

Took a break

Yesterday, we went to Mom and Dad's for a cousins' reunion with my dad's family. It was so awesome. I can't even begin to explain the fun we had. Sounds like it's now going to be an every other year event, in Omaha, as that is most centrally located for everyone involved.

Thursday, I went to see Grandma, but it wasn't awesome in any sense of the word. It was sad. I cried a LOT. She slept the entire time I was there, save the first 5 minutes. She is definitely in pain. She is definitely declining. But, she is still alive and I will still be going weekly.

There really isn't a whole lot to report. Tomorrow, I will try and sit to type some of the stories from the reunion. I am tired of typing crappy posts. I hate being such a downer. I haven't seemed to be able to even catch a funny from one of the kids lately to post about. I know they do funny things each day. And I notice them at that point in time, but when I sit down to post when they are in bed, I can't recall what it was I was going to share. Ugh. It will all be over soon. I will have plenty of time to remember then......

Right?

On the road again....

I am going to see Grandma tomorrow as soon as I am up and showered and ready to go. My dad's cousins will be here from California for the weekend and Dad and one cousin, Jimmy, may be there while I am. I am hoping it all goes well, although the latest reports are worse than they ever have been. I am up to the challenge to show Dad and Jimmy (if the go) how I can pull her out of her dulldrum, comatose state and make her (if only for a couple of minutes) laugh and be ornery. I hope they are there. I hope they decide to go. My dad needs it at this point. The times are getting less in quantity. We need to cherish and embrace each and every one.

Wish me (and hopefully us) luck!

Another email

I sent Aunt Leslie a text tonight and told her if she needs someone to talk to on her ride home, I will tell her stories and sing her silly songs to get her home. She then emailed some of us and said she isn't going home tomorrow. She is going to stay in Hastings until Wednesday and then will head to Omaha for a cousins reunion with Dad, her, Aunt DD and their cousins from California. She will then head home to Sioux Falls with Uncle Bruce on Saturday or Sunday. All of this makes me happy because I know how hard it is to travel just an hour and half, let alone 5 or 6 hours after seeing what we see when with Grandma. Thank God for good decisions and the ability to not HAVE to go away from loved ones.

However, please keep praying for Aunt Leslie. What she is seeing is hitting her rather hard. I hope Grandma Shafer goes up this week and sits with her for a little bit. Her company makes one relax more than most know!!

What a wonderful family (both sides) I have. I am so blessed.

Sigh

It's amazing what I get done around my house trying to occupy my mind with things other than this update.

Email from Aunt DD today:

Hi,
It was not a banner week for Mom. The pain and nausea have begun. They are taking some meds away and then are adding some meds. All we can really do is comfort measures, treat her symptoms. Of course, the pain meds make her groggy, so she sleeps now most of the time. Leslie has been here all week but has to leave tomorrow.
Keep her in your prayers, because that is a LONG 5 hr ride, by herself, with nothing to do but think. In this week Leslie has been here, Mom has gone from the wheelchair to pretty much bed bound. She's only getting her liquid supplements for nourishment. Sometimes she can't even use a straw, so we may have to look into pain patches if she can't swallow or have the strength to suck on a straw.
It's all so sad. And on it goes.
Denise

Good time overall

My visit went alright. I say alright because there were good things and bad.

The bad things: Grandma is definitely declining. Rapid? I don't know. Just seems fast because my heart isn't ready. When she would sleep, which was most of the time, she was gray. There were times she would look at someone, only she wasn't really looking at them, she was looking through them in a state of confusion almost.

The good things: When she was awake, she and I would flip each other crap and giggle. My Aunt Leslie asked how I can get her to do that. I said because I don't talk to her like she is an infant, unlike everyone else around her. I do the same things we have always done and if she doesn't catch on, I do it again. If she still isn't catching on, I change the subject. Simple as that. I didn't have to change the subject once this time though. She caught it every time. It was a wonderful blessing, straight from God Himself. He knew I needed it, and He gave it to me. Thank you, God. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The Hospice Nurse came in while I was there and all I can say is thank God for Hospice. I really mean that. She told me more in 10 minutes than I have been told in the last 3 months, and even my dad said the same thing. We went over her med list because she doesn't take pills well. She honestly never has. And now that she is losing her capacity, it's even worse. The poor girl tries to take a pill and it doesn't get washed down and sits there and melts in her mouth. EWWW!!!! Can you imagine?!?! It makes me so sad! So I told her that anything we can take off the list (it's a page and a half long list.), like her bone density pill, we need to get off. She doesn't need to build her bone density. She is bedridden. She is going to die. Take them away! But then the nurse told me that they can even make a paste of her pain pill and put it on her arm and cover it with a bandaid and she can ingest it that way. AMAZING!!!! But, if you think about it, it makes sense. It would be like a nicotine patch. So, she was going to go over the list and call Grandma's doctor and talk to him about getting her off some things.

She also says that Grandma's pain is getting more prevalent. It was obvious to me, because I noticed her furrowed brow when she would sleep and asked about it. She agreed that the pain is why that was happening and it is time to get her on a more regular regimen of pain meds. So, she is getting her on that.

My Aunt Leslie asked the poor nurse 5 times if she could give us a time frame. I got mad. I could tell the nurse was uncomfortable with the question because let's face it, it is in God's hands. So, I spoke up. Shocking, I know! I told Leslie that there is no way to know at this point, it's in God's hands, and to enjoy TODAY and NOT worry about the future. I don't know that Leslie appreciated it, but the nurse did and so did my dad when I told him, and that is what I care about.... so THERE! Sheeeesh!

I also got a little angry because she is getting dehydrated and yet I was the only one that ever asked her if she needed a drink. What is that all about?!?!? Why am I the only one that can tell when she is needing a swig of water?!?! You would think if someone is sitting there with her day in and day out, they would be able to tell better than I, who is only there once a week!!! UGHHHH!!!! I digress....


It was hard to leave her. But, thankfully, my Grandma Shafer is only two blocks away. I called Grandma Shafer and she said to get on over. So I did. It was so wonderful to vent to her. She agreed with everything I said and questioned. She is such a wonderful woman. I found myself wondering on my ride home what I would do when one day I have no grandparents left. It really won't be long when you look at the big picture. I am not saying Gma Shafer is ill or on Death's doorstep. I think she has time left. However, in the walk of my life, I will have a lot of years without her. I rely on them. A lot. I relied on Gpa Shafer a lot too. Someday, there will be none. I just can't imagine. Today.... I will live for today. I will think about that when it is all done. Enjoy today. Thank God for one more day. Amen.

gurgle gurgle

On my way to Hastings. My stomach is churning so bad, I hope I can make the hour and a half trip. Uggghhhhhhh. How can a person get so nervous?!?!

CANCER SUCKS AND IS KICKING MY A$$

I am sorry to be so flipping blunt but this is just so hard and once again I am getting crappy news while HOME ALONE. Thank God my kids are in bed.

UGGGHHHHHHHH

Aunt J asked what my parents saw when they went Saturday. Here it is.

Grandma never once called either of them by name. She said maybe 20 words in almost 2 hours. And, she acted as though she were about to vomit the entire time. You know the signs: breathing deeply, swallowing frequently, that kind of thing.

Today, Aunt Leslie got there and shortly after arriving, Grandma started vomiting. A lot. Not just once or twice. Several times.

Sooooo.... what does this mean?

According to Hospice, brain tumors have signs of their stages. First, frequent fainting (That started two weeks ago). Second, frequent vomiting (started today apparently). Third, severe headaches treated with super strong drugs that basically make one comatose (not quite there yet, but only been two weeks since the first symptoms started).

I am sure you all remember when she was blacking out before and falling. That was NOT the same as this. When that all happened, they did scans and it wasn't back in the brain yet. YET being the word. Those spells were from being so weak when they did the intestinal surgery. This is different. It's obviously back in the brain. However, they will most likely not do scans because at this point there is nothing left to do so why bother. Although I in a way want to argue that. I know it won't help her, but there comes a point where we are all looking at each other wondering what these things mean. Do we just accept them? Do we ask for scans? Please don't answer. Those are rhetorical. I am just conveying what we are discussing.

Anyhew, I will be going to see my grandmother Thursday. Yes, I will be calling Grandma Shafer. Whether or not we get together depends on me and my mood, the only thing that has ever kept me from going to her house. There is no need for two of us to be down. And it isn't that I ever don't WANT to see her, it's that most of the time I just need my babies and husband NOW.

Speaking of babies, I need to get the last one down for the night. Will keep you posted.

Much ado about nothing

Not a whole lot new going on around here. Just enjoying the few days we have had of sunshine between storms. Today is one of those days. The time in the sun is being put off this afternoon by Zachary's kindergarten check up. Hard to believe he will be in Kindergarten this fall and Jenna next. Time really does fly.

Grandma is steadily going downhill, sleeping more and more and becoming less active. She has a very small window of awake time to visit, making trips to see her hard to plan. I am hoping to get there sometime this week. We'll see if it comes to fruition.

That's about it for now. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine!!

Hmmmmm.....

I don't really have anything to say. Just stopping in so everyone knows I am still alive.

Oh wait. Yes. There is something.

Grandma is getting worse. She had a seizure yesterday that was apparently so bad it made one of my friends (a nurse at the home) sob. They are not going to do any scans but they are sure it's a sign the cancer is back in her brain and that these seizures will become more frequent and severe with time. How much time? Only God knows. The blessing in this is that she does not, nor will she, remember the seizure or anything about it even happening. She came out of it and asked Heather why she was crying and told her that she would be fine and to stop worrying. Heather told her that she was so scared they were going to lose her and Grandma said she isn't going anywhere for a while. So, we will see.

Also, there is a family in H@stings that a friend of mine knows and used to work with the mom that is going through a horrible tragedy right now and needs our prayers. The dad of the kids (ex husband to the coworker) showed up on Friday to take the kids for the weekend. He took the kids over to his girlfriend's house and went back to the house and shot and killed the ex wife. He then drove himself out to Pr@irie Lake and shot himself, leaving the 4 kids parentless. Please pray for the kids. They range in age, I believe, 10 to 18.

I just wonder what is wrong with people.

Ahhhhhhhh

After some rather hairy storms last night, the sun is out and life is a lot brighter. PUN intended. Last night, as the storms were brewing and back building over Gage county, my husband was driving right into/through it. I finally made myself shut off the tv at 12:30 (midnight) to go to bed. All I could hear was them saying it's building again and there's another semi on its side at "x" location. It was too much. Suffice it to say, he is alive and well.

Some friends in Kearney had some pretty bad damage to their house and other property. Still waiting for them to get power so they can email the scads of photos they took of the aftermath. Thankfully, they weren't physically hurt. The clean up will take a while. As long as they are alive, that is what really matters and I thank God for that.

I hope you all survived the storms without damage to your bodies, crops, homes, etc. Trees can be replaced. People can't.

I'm really trying...

But it seems no matter what I do, I keep getting the blahs. Where did the sun go? Isn't it MAY?!? It looks like December out there!!! Well, that is, if you don't take the actual temp and humidity into consideration. I thought it was "April showers bring May flowers". It seems as though we need to modify that to "May showers bring June flowers". Ugh. I suppose if that's the case, there's only a few more days of May left.... so bring on the June flowers!!

You know what's going to happen..... the sun's going to come out and it's going to automatically go up to 100º with 99% humidity!!!! LOL!

With all this rain, Uncle Dave's corn will be not knee high, but head high by the 4th of July!!!

The BEST decision of my life

I took the kids to see Grandma on Monday. She was VERY aware, called each child by name several times, talked to the older two about school and to Jenna about whatever they decided to talk about moment to moment. We all know how the mind of a four year old goes from topic to topic at the drop of a dime. She stayed in pace with her the entire time. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. I really mean that. I wish I had a picture of the look on her face when we walked in the room. She was so excited.

Zachary had a little bit of a hard time with her not being at her house. He was not only confused, but mad. When we walked in to the building, he was asking several questions as to why we were at "this place". And to get to her room, one has to walk through a lobby where several elders are sitting in wheel chairs watching one television. He was NOT impressed with that scene. He spent a lot of the time that he wasn't talking to Grandma looking around her room with a slight disgust on his face. When we left, as we walked through the lobby, one of the nurses stopped us to ask how she seemed to us that afternoon. As I talked to her, she noticed Zack's unhappiness and asked him how he was doing. He told her he doesn't get it, why isn't she at HER house? She got down on her knees to his level and had an excellent talk with not only him, but the girls too. She told them that they all love her VERY much and that they want to make sure she doesn't get hurt again, so they moved her to "this house" so that they can go in and check on her and take care of her and keep her safe. She also told him that they give her lots of love and hugs every day that he can't be there to do it. Thank God for her. When she was done talking to him, he left with a smile and a wave to all of the wheelchair bound residents watching tv.

I can honestly tell you I was nervous taking the kids to see her. I was worried about all of the "what ifs" with her mind. God works in mysterious ways. He knew she wanted to see those babies and He made her alert the entire afternoon so that it was possible. We will be going back. That I can promise. My kids need to see her as much as she needs to see them.

New ?? for God

I don't know if you all read my last post. But I do know you all read the one about questions to God. I have a new one (remember how we said it was always changing??).....

I would love to sit down and have a little chat with Him about why some people die so easily (i.e. in their sleep) and why some have to endure such horrible things. I know that some of it is our own doing, say smoking, but then there are things like Alzheimer's. And it isn't just people. It's animals too. Our dog Jake had to be put down three days before Christmas last year because his body was so bad. His mind? Still that of a puppy. But his body was showing every one of the 13 years he had been with us. My Grandma? Well, one is 82 and has a sharp mind. The other? 72 and can't even talk anymore and has cancer ravaging her body. Why is that? Why can't we all just go how we "plan"; in our sleep?

I am not saying that I am mad at God. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I am just saying that I am terribly confused by what I see these days. The differences between two women who once were so full of life and fun. One still is (for the most part), and the other, just waiting for God to call her home.

How much longer does she have to suffer? How much longer does she have to wait? How much more will we all have to see before the final goodbye?

This is just so hard.

Another update

From DD Tuesday night after she and I were up to see Grandma

Just came from Mom and she is doing MUCH better!! She's awake, alert, up in a chair, eating, pink cheeks and feeling great. They removed the catheter and everything is fine. She will go back to Perkins sometime tomorrow.
There are still moments of confusion, but this was a good day!
Denise

Tonight:

Mom was dismissed back to Perkins today. She is going to have a lot of family here over the next 9 days.
So if emails are not coming in, everything is fine, I am just playing hostess. I'll try to do the regular Sunday
email. Please don't stop praying for her. Every day is a challenge for her.
Denise

Then, after an email from one of Grandma's friends that she had been up to see Grandma and she did nothing but give blank stares:

Thank you Donna for being such a good friend. I'm afraid what you saw today is what it's going to be from now on. She was exactly like that yesterday and this evening when I was with her. The only reaction I got was when
our son Dustin called my cell phone and said he just landed at the airport. She smiled real big. I held the phone
to her ear and he told her hi. She did say hi back, but he was in the parking garage by then and the reception kept breaking up. She then just drifted back to sleep. Have a good trip.
Denise


Sorry I don't have anything good to report. Will keep you posted.

"Happy" Mother's Day

Update #1 from Aunt Denise:

Hi and Happy Mother's Day!
Mom developed a urinary tract infection this week. It caused a little confusion one evening, and when I reported this incident to her Hospice team, they went to her the next day to assess her. They spent a lot of time with Mom and then reported back to me. I got a lot of answers (including the UTI). I think this team is going to be invaluable to me as this goes on. They act very quickly when I have a concern and are extremely supportive to me. She's doing much better.
Stephanie, Bryan & Jennifer, and I spent most of the afternoon with her. It was a gorgeous day so we took her for a ride. It was painful while she was being loaded and unloaded, but once she got in, she loved it. I had her out for an hour. (Jan - you have walls up at your construction sight!!!). We left her very tired, but in good spirits. This was a good day.
Denise

Update #2 (Same day.... or night rather):

It's 11:15 pm. I just got home from admitting Mom thru the ER. She fell at Perkins, was badly confused. When I got there, they had already called the ambulance as her condition had deteriated. She had a huge goose egg and was rambling, and thrashing about, and trembling. A CT did NOT show a brain bleed at this time. But she does have a concussion and another CT tomorrow may show something else. They have her heavily sedated and will be doing neurological testing every 4 hrs so they sent me home. Said I wouldn't be able to get any rest in the room w/ them in all the time. Her urinary tract infection is still there. She will be getting fluids and everything thru her IV so that will help. We had such a good day with her. She deserves better than this. I'll keep you posted.
DD

Sleep

According to Aunt DD, Grandma is getting quieter and sleeping more and more by the day. Dad said Grandpa did this about a month before passing. That's about all I can say.

It's done

We finally got Grandma's house completely cleaned out and surrendered our keys. It was very bittersweet. Stopped and finally saw Grandma Shafer's house. I really like it. When I told her so, she said I could have it. Hmmmm. She is so funny. We got to talking about Grandpa and the silly things he used to say when he was watching Y&R. Not real sure how we got on that topic, but it was fun to laugh remembering him. Which lead us to our next topic, Grandma Wells. Gma S said how hard it is to see her now and how we need to be able to have memories like we had just discussed about Gpa when we start to get down about Gma W. How true. Can you imagine what it must feel like to watch someone 11 years your junior going through these things?

My visit to follow with Gma W wasn't all that easy. It wasn't terrible, don't get me wrong. When she was lucid she for some reason picked ME (out of Mom, Dad, and I) to be ornery to. And oooooh she was full of it in those moments. She quite literally had Dad and I laughing to the point of tears a couple of times. She reminds us so much of her dad when she does some of the things she does. It's awesome. Then there were the hard things. Like when she would say she still hasn't seen Jan and Elaine (her two sisters that were here two weeks ago) and that they were supposed to be there yesterday. And she has a catheter. Hard things to see. Very hard.

When we left, as I was walking to the van, I remembered I had opened her curtains when I got there and was parked right outside her window, so I stopped and waved and she returned it with a blown kiss. Oh how I love her.

Keeping you posted

I was asked not to say anything because it's to the point that some things really need to be kept to family now. However, we are all family here, so I will tell you.

This is sad. We knew it was coming. But it came so fast it seems.

Today, my two aunts and grandma went to the doctor and were informed there is nothing more they can do. No more therapy. No more chemo. The end of the road. Six months tops.

She will be going back to the Homestead for her final weeks/months. Hospice is being contacted and this is how she will leave this world.

Grandma says no more crying. It's time to celebrate. It's time to "get busy livin". AMEN. I am going to LIVE with my grandma. We are going for walks. We are going to pray. We are going to CELEBRATE her upcoming new life. I hope that you all will help me. Don't mourn her yet. Praise God that she is doing this with such dignity. She is a true testament to Faith. Someone we can all learn from.

I will keep posting about my visits with her. I want it documented for when she is gone and I miss her. I want to look back and remember this remarkable woman. I don't want to remember the frail, sick woman she is today. I want to remember the woman that tells me I am "spoiled" because I get to pick what we watch on tv or eat for supper. I want to remember the woman who went to such lengths to get me a Cabbage Patch Doll for Christmas when I was a child and thought there wasn't any way possible. I want to remember.

It won't be long and she will finally meet the woman I told her I learned so much from when our visits started. Miss Jacque. Praise God. They will have some FUN in their special little corner of Heaven.

Good day

My brother got here Friday afternoon and we got to hang out just him and I and the kids. It was awesome. I wish I would have taken a picture of the kids' faces when he pulled up. Pure happiness.

On Saturday, we met up with our two great aunts and one of our great uncles at the Cracker B@rrel for lunch. We had some really good laughs there too. It's so nice to see them. We hadn't seen Uncle Bill and Aunt Elaine since '01 or '02, so they had never met Zack and Jenna. Needless to say, they fell in love with them. After lunch, Rob and I took off for Hastings to see Grandma and help clean out her house some. It amazes me how some people can go to something like that and sit on the front porch and drink beer all day without lifting a finger and then when the work is done complain that they need to go for a walk or do something because all they have done is sit all day. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

When we went out to see Grandma, it was rather hard on Rob. He hasn't seen her since the benefit in Doniphan and her decline has been very rapid since then. At one point, he had to leave the room. We took her out to sit in the sun, which was a lot of fun actually. She cracked me up a few times making her underhanded comments about afore mentioned "sitters". She decided she needed a cigarette which caused a slight uproar yet again with said "sitters", but she won. As I said, at this point, what does it matter? I mean really. Am I wrong? The woman is dying for God's sake. Shut up and leave her alone. Enough is enough, and pick your friggen battles. I, of course, was the one that got the flack for it, even though SHE is the one that made the demands and someone else was the one that enabled her. But, me being the only smoker in the group, I handed the cigarettes to the driver of the vehicle she went for a smoke in. And it was all MY fault. Never mind that I was the one that initially told her no. I did give in when she was so adamant about it. You would think that these people would think more about the fact that my poor brother had to carry his grandmother a few times because she couldn't walk. You would think that they would look at her and think "let her do it, if it makes her happy, even for five minutes". But no. They think about themselves and the fact that she is smoking in their precious car. Whatever. I digress.

Jeremy and my parents and my dad's sisters are all at the house again today trying to finish up as much as possible. It's killing me just sitting here with the kids. I want to be there. For my Dad. This is so hard on him. I just want to make him laugh. Or at least be there to calm the storm that is about to arise. Oh well. Pray. That will help, right????

She would know

I know I didn't know her as well as most. That didn't matter. To say hello, you knew who she was and that she cared more than most people you will know your entire life. Miss Jacque.

I find myself really missing her words of wisdom lately. All of the support I get is astounding, don't misunderstand me. But she was there. In the situation. Dealing with it herself. I keep going back to read her postings so that I can hear what she would be saying to me right now, could she answer my emails. Stay strong Nikki. It's ok to cry. It's ok to laugh. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to ask why. Never look away from God. Why is it that I know, deep in my heart, that she IS here and is likely checking in on my grandma and there are times I swear I can hear her say things to me or even feel her hand on my shoulder as I shudder with sobs, and yet..... I miss her?!?!

I am trying, Dear Jacque. I really am. And I am doing it. Most days. I know you were here on Saturday. I felt you. I didn't realize it at that moment, and I am sorry. But I did hear you. I did feel you. I wish you were here.

I wish...................

Just another update

Grandma is now at Perkins Pavillion at Good Samaritan Village. We are hoping it is temporary. While she was in the hospital she was refusing to do her physical therapy so they moved her there so that she doesn't have the option. Why they were allowing her the option at the hospital is a little baffling to all of us, but whatever. Now, she is doing intense physical, occupational, and speech therapies twice a day, five days a week. On top of that, she is getting fluids twice a week. Again, why she wasn't getting fluids at the hospital is baffling. She is very withdrawn and somewhat depressed about being at Perkins. She is also figuring out that something isn't "clicking" in her mind at times. She still hasn't been told about the atrophy. But she knows something isn't right.

Rob and I are going Saturday to see her and as far as Sunday, either Jeremy or I will be going. That has yet to be decided. Then next week I am hoping to start up my weekly visits with her again. She will be VERY down once her sisters leave on Saturday. I hope I can heal a little of that for her.

That's all for now. I am planning a nice night of sitting on the couch until bedtime. This gray gloomy weather can make one rather tired!

Just when I think I am going to cry....

My cat decide she can play the piano. We have had Grandma Shafer's piano since last summer and not once has the cat touched it. Now, in the last two days, she has decided she is going to learn to play. She will sit with her hind legs on the bench and use her front paws to push the keys. And she doesn't just do one key. Oh no, she moves her paw up and down the keyboard and even switches paws every now and then or will just put both up there and plunk a few dozen keys and then looks to make sure we are watching her. When she sees us looking, she will play a couple more, look again, and get down, as if embarrassed. It's awesome. And to hear Jenna laughing at her makes it even better. Thank God for the small things!

Thank God

My brother is coming home this weekend!!!! I NEED TO SEE HIM SO BADLY!!!! I have felt like I am drowning in an ocean, all alone and floundering for someone to know how I am feeling and is going through the same things I am. And here he comes. My hero. My knight in shining armor. My baby brother. Oh how I love him. I can't wait. Only 4 more days. Only 4. I can make it.

It's real

I saw my grandma today for the first time in at least a month. She is dying. There is no denying it when one looks at her. It's true. She is nothing but skin and bones. She looks awful. She is somewhat lucid, it's hit and miss, minute to minute. I can't type. I know where the keys are but can't see the screen through the tears. Please pray.

P.S.

In addition to my last post:

Grandma is not being told about the diagnosis. It would be too hard for her to bear. And it isn't really something that she needs to know at this point anyway. Also, she was put on an antiseizure medication. Why, we aren't positive. We just know she is on it. Just needed to add that incase anyone sees her at some point. Don't mention the Alzheimer's. Also, she is currently in Mary Lanning. Ok I think that's all. Sorry, the brain is a little overloaded.

Too fast for comfort

Latest update on Grandma is that some of the tests have come back showing rapidly advancing Alzheimer's. The doctor said it is the worst he has seen in someone her age. This is so bad on so many levels. Mainly because she has been more afraid to die of this than of cancer. She has been saying the last two years, "At least it's not Alzheimer's". Well, now it is. Her mom had it. It's terrible. There is no better way to put it than Nancy Reagan did by saying it's "The Long Goodbye". Only this time it seems it won't be too long. My heart feels like I was just told that she has passed away. I know that sounds cold. But her memory loss is already tremendous. It's getting noticeably worse day by day. I now have to plan a trip for my children to see her one last time, per her request. My heart is shattering.


God, be with me and guide me. Amen.

The defecation

is about to hit the rotating oscillating device. I have the patience of a saint when it comes to children. I really do. I can handle anything when it comes to kids. Adults are a totally different story.

I am not like the rest of you in my blogging world. I am a hot head. I don't like it, but I am. I wish I was more like my mother's family in this aspect of my personality, but I'm just not.

Why is it that when I clean the house (or do anything, period), I have a screaming child on one hip, one hanging on my pant leg and another begging me to pick them up, but when my husband has something he is doing there is a code red and the room must be clear of all living things, save him?!?!?!?

Loads on the brain

Things aren't looking great with Grandma W. My heart tells me that this is the beginning of a rapid end. Her sisters are coming this week for a week long stay and honestly, I am wondering if she is just hanging on to be with them one last time and then will rapidly decline. I am just fooling myself, she is already rapidly declining. It's too hard to write thoughts right now. I think you all know anyway. I will just end in posting the last two updates from Aunt DD. Please pray. Please. And in your prayers, PLEASE remember to include my brother. Being so far away is really upsetting him right now and he is having a hard time dealing with grief and homesickness. Not a good combo. It makes me sad. Thank you again.

In an email Tuesday April 8:

Hi,
Yesterday we saw Dr Hervert (Mom's primary dr). Nothing really new there except he added to the physical therapy to work on balance as well as her strengthening excersises. She also went for fluids on monday and her weight is down another 2 pounds.
Today we saw the neurologist, Dr Edwards. She ordered MRIs and a EEG. They showed she has had a small stroke (showed up in the brain stem). This area of your brain has to do with your walking. The frontal lobe
(which affects your coordination) showed the brain signals were not connecting and sending the proper signals
to help her walk. Dr E thinks due to radiation, hardening of the arteries and small blood vessel disease or the combination of the three, and then the stroke on top of that, this is why she has no warning, she just goes down.
There is nothing we can do. Keep up the PT, see if it will help, but no medication will help. She also got lectured about using her walker at all times. She is also now going to have more help at the Homestead.
The MRI also showed she has a compound fracture of a vertebrae. It was not a broken rib. The pain radiated
around the left side. But is healing nicely. We know this happened at her house be fore we moved her. It was
on my shift so we know exactly when it happened. And no, she wasn't using the walker then either.
So we have some answers, not much for help though. And so the journey goes on.
We meet with her cancer dr, Dr Bruno, friday. This is the one I'm dreading. I'm afraid we waited to long to start
the chemo up again, and I'm afraid they'll want to start the chemo again, and she is too weak.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Denise

In an email on Wednesday April 9:

Forget the dr's appt on friday. . . Mom was admitted to the hospital this afternoon. The Homestead called this morning (becoming a morning ritual anymore). Mom fell in her room at 5 a.m. She did not call for assistance
and of course, went down. They know she simply forgets, and after yesterdays appt, we now know why. But
they do not know what else to do with her but put her in a wheelchair for her own safety. Something she was not ready to do yet. When I got back from lunch, I got another phone call from the Homestead, something is not right with your mother. They put phone calls into her 3 dr's but no one was returning calls and they thought she should be taken to the ER for evaluation. Seems she could not remember anything from this morning; not the 5 oclock
fall, not going to the cancer ctr for 3 hrs for fluids, doesn't remember eating lunch. But she did remember the
Homestead talking to her about the wheelchair this morning, she did remember physical therapy coming after lunch and she could not stand for them. Her left side is weaker and droopy. Tests from the ER did not show another
stroke. As a matter of fact, everything looked fine. She was very coherent with Don & I in the ER. So we are
baffled. Dr Hervert (her primary dr) had her admitted to the 2nd floor. Not ICU but something similar to that.
Usually she has to go to 4th, the oncology floor. Also, her house sold last night. We close on it May 9. She took this very well.
We look forward to her sisters from the west coming and spending a week with her; hopefully, she'll be out of the
hosiptal by then.
Thank you to everyone at work for your support and hugs. I love you too, Shelby. And I hope I didn't ruin your birthday, Linda.
KEEP PRAYING<
Denise

Mama I'm Coming Home

I don't know why, but this morning I woke up with this song in my head. I haven't heard it in ages. So, I turned it on. As I sit here listening to it (during a break from sorting clothes), I am in absolute awe. Ever watched the show "The Osbournes"? Every time Ozzy would talk I would have to rewind it 10 or 15 times just to catch what he was trying to say. The man can barely get a thought across. But listen to this song!!!! It's BEAUTIFUL and you can understand every single word that comes out of his mouth, without fail. A hard metal man singing such a great song, that gets to me too. I just love it. One of my many all time favorites.

I have come to realize....

That the days of "pooing" in silence are long gone. My cat has even figured out how to open the door when I am in there. Don't misunderstand this, she hasn't become like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that figure out how to open doors, but if it isn't completely shut, she will stand on her hind legs and bat at it until it breaks free and she can push it open. And, much like the kids, she will stand at my feet crying at me for Lord only knows what.

I guess I will be making good use of the lock on that door from now on. Although that doesn't stop my human children from sitting on the opposite side of the door saying "Can you see my toes, Mommy?", "Can you see my fingers, Mommy?" "Mommy, here is a toy to play with while you are in there!"

Ohhhh the joys.

Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to breed

And I am not talking about mentally handicapped people. I am talking about people that JUST DON'T FRICKING GET IT. If you are lookin for a happy go lucky blog, this won't be it. I'm just sayin.

So today has been full of idiots. First off, I turn on G00d M0rning America and one of the stories was about a "Legal Man is with child". Along with the teasers, pictures of a pregnant "man". Ok, so as the commercials roll, I try to figure this out. Honestly, what I was thinking is "Why can't it be my husband? We'd be millionaires!" Then the story comes on. Yeah. Not a man. It's a woman that had a sex change, but kept her uterus. Then, the partner had to have a hysterectomy and now "he" is carrying the baby. LEGALLY, "he" is a man. BUT MEN DON'T HAVE A UTERUS!!!!! And you can't tell me that this wasn't a plan years in the making. These people knew exactly what they were doing. And to top it all off, in an interview with this couple (I think the interview will be on D@teline tonight), the "man" says that he is "afraid for their safety now that the news is out". REALLY?!?! Hey dumb***!!!!!.... MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!!!!!

THEN..... a little closer to home (Across the backyard to be exact), there is this gal I babysit for. In their home, I am sad to say, there is nothing but TONS of drama. And this isn't just "Yo mama" drama. This is serious crap with the involvement of children. Several children. Four to be exact (one is technically a teen). This mom is living with her mom. The grandma's boyfriend also lives with them. Also, there is the mom of the kids I watch's two brothers, one is 15 and one is 9. The kids I watch are 2 and 4. Are you keeping track? That's 7 people in a house that is exactly like mine. This mom I sit for went off to boot camp in October. The dad of the kids (her husband) ended up getting caught in the act with another girl while she was gone. So, the mom ended up fracturing her hip in basics and got a medical discharge because she couldn't complete training. Whatever. So now she comes home and is filing for divorce, thus why they are living with the grandma. Ok, so yesterday, she has me watch the kids. (She only works part time now.) No big deal. Until she comes home 3 hours later WITH A MAN SHE JUST DROVE TO OMAHA TO PICK UP FROM THE AIRPORT. He got a one way ticket from CA to NE to live with her. (making the total in the house 8) She doesn't even know this man (they met in line for paperwork at boot camp and started talking online two weeks ago)and the minute they walk in the door, she can't understand why neither of her kids will look at him or tell them they love him and why they don't want to go home with them, they want to stay here!!! And THEN, this morning, I had no idea if I was to have them today or not because she never got back to me last night like she said she would to tell me if she worked. So I called for over an hour to see what was going on. No answer. Then, as I was in the shower and getting ready to go to see one of Addison's assemblies, she shows up and drops the kids off and says she will be home at 4. Fine. But then 5 minutes later, the little boy comes in to me and says, "Mommy says I am eating here". WHAT?!?!? IT WAS 10:30!!!!! All of the other kids had been done eating for two hours!!!!

I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. I watch these poor kids go through this crap every day. And there is nothing I can do, other than give them a stable place to be during the day. But does it really do any good? They will still pry become hoodlems just like the rest of their family (the 15 year old is looking at time in Jouvie, and another brother is a ward of the state and has been the last 5 years). I am trying not to lose faith, but I have to tell you..... It's gonna kill me.

Bailamos

Enrique has been the love of my life since the release of "Rhythm Divine". I really mean it. Mole and all. (Why did he remove it?!?!) I love his voice. I love the accent. I love to imagine dancing with him. He is beautiful in ever sense of the word. Ohhhh his voice. He is my McDreamy.

The other night as I was cleaning, I had him blasting from the rafters. I found a new favorite song. And so did my son. Mine is titled "Don't You Forget About Me". My son's is "Bailamos". I love to watch him as he dances to this song. I mean this kid LOVES this song. It's awesome! Turn it on for your kids and see if they do the same. It's fun! Zack even sings himself to sleep at night singing this song.

Long live Enrique!!!!

Knots in the rope

On Sunday, our pastor was talking about prayer. He talked about how Jesus prayed for strength to get through all that he was going to endure in the coming days. One of the things he said was the Bible tells us to "Pray and don't faint". Very insightful. But the thing that got me was when he started talking about how praying puts knots in your rope. Ever tried to climb a rope that doesn't have any knots in it? It's not all that fun. But put just one knot in it and you can scale the rope with more ease. Add another knot.... even easier. He talked about when he was a kid and he made a rope swing. All it was was a rope with a bunch of knots in it and at one point it had so many knots in one place that the smaller knots made one big knot that he could just sit on and enjoy the ride.

Isn't it amazing how when you add knots to your rope, the ride is a LOT easier? I have been thinking about that the last couple of days. I had been having so many things going through my mind that I was trying to take care of myself and one night I got to thinking "Hey dummy.... when was the last time you actually prayed and left it at God's feet?". I had to be honest with myself (and also with God) that I hadn't actually PRAYED since Dad's last cardiac surgery. I mean I had prayed that He take care of people, but never laid any of MY problems at His feet. It was always for someone else's benefit that I was praying. It may sound selfish, but when I started praying for my own guidance and personal help, my life became.... well... HAPPY again.

I don't go to church often. I hate to admit that and know that my Grandfather rolls in his grave when I talk about it. He would not approve of my church attendance. However.... I DO have a working relationship with God. I am only human. I screw up. A LOT. But I do try. Again, I am only human. I just have to keep tying those knots and enjoying the ride. Sounds rather simple. But then again.... Life with God makes everything a lot easier.