I sent Aunt Leslie a text tonight and told her if she needs someone to talk to on her ride home, I will tell her stories and sing her silly songs to get her home. She then emailed some of us and said she isn't going home tomorrow. She is going to stay in Hastings until Wednesday and then will head to Omaha for a cousins reunion with Dad, her, Aunt DD and their cousins from California. She will then head home to Sioux Falls with Uncle Bruce on Saturday or Sunday. All of this makes me happy because I know how hard it is to travel just an hour and half, let alone 5 or 6 hours after seeing what we see when with Grandma. Thank God for good decisions and the ability to not HAVE to go away from loved ones.
However, please keep praying for Aunt Leslie. What she is seeing is hitting her rather hard. I hope Grandma Shafer goes up this week and sits with her for a little bit. Her company makes one relax more than most know!!
What a wonderful family (both sides) I have. I am so blessed.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Sigh
It's amazing what I get done around my house trying to occupy my mind with things other than this update.
Email from Aunt DD today:
Hi,
It was not a banner week for Mom. The pain and nausea have begun. They are taking some meds away and then are adding some meds. All we can really do is comfort measures, treat her symptoms. Of course, the pain meds make her groggy, so she sleeps now most of the time. Leslie has been here all week but has to leave tomorrow.
Keep her in your prayers, because that is a LONG 5 hr ride, by herself, with nothing to do but think. In this week Leslie has been here, Mom has gone from the wheelchair to pretty much bed bound. She's only getting her liquid supplements for nourishment. Sometimes she can't even use a straw, so we may have to look into pain patches if she can't swallow or have the strength to suck on a straw.
It's all so sad. And on it goes.
Denise
Email from Aunt DD today:
Hi,
It was not a banner week for Mom. The pain and nausea have begun. They are taking some meds away and then are adding some meds. All we can really do is comfort measures, treat her symptoms. Of course, the pain meds make her groggy, so she sleeps now most of the time. Leslie has been here all week but has to leave tomorrow.
Keep her in your prayers, because that is a LONG 5 hr ride, by herself, with nothing to do but think. In this week Leslie has been here, Mom has gone from the wheelchair to pretty much bed bound. She's only getting her liquid supplements for nourishment. Sometimes she can't even use a straw, so we may have to look into pain patches if she can't swallow or have the strength to suck on a straw.
It's all so sad. And on it goes.
Denise
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Good time overall
My visit went alright. I say alright because there were good things and bad.
The bad things: Grandma is definitely declining. Rapid? I don't know. Just seems fast because my heart isn't ready. When she would sleep, which was most of the time, she was gray. There were times she would look at someone, only she wasn't really looking at them, she was looking through them in a state of confusion almost.
The good things: When she was awake, she and I would flip each other crap and giggle. My Aunt Leslie asked how I can get her to do that. I said because I don't talk to her like she is an infant, unlike everyone else around her. I do the same things we have always done and if she doesn't catch on, I do it again. If she still isn't catching on, I change the subject. Simple as that. I didn't have to change the subject once this time though. She caught it every time. It was a wonderful blessing, straight from God Himself. He knew I needed it, and He gave it to me. Thank you, God. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The Hospice Nurse came in while I was there and all I can say is thank God for Hospice. I really mean that. She told me more in 10 minutes than I have been told in the last 3 months, and even my dad said the same thing. We went over her med list because she doesn't take pills well. She honestly never has. And now that she is losing her capacity, it's even worse. The poor girl tries to take a pill and it doesn't get washed down and sits there and melts in her mouth. EWWW!!!! Can you imagine?!?! It makes me so sad! So I told her that anything we can take off the list (it's a page and a half long list.), like her bone density pill, we need to get off. She doesn't need to build her bone density. She is bedridden. She is going to die. Take them away! But then the nurse told me that they can even make a paste of her pain pill and put it on her arm and cover it with a bandaid and she can ingest it that way. AMAZING!!!! But, if you think about it, it makes sense. It would be like a nicotine patch. So, she was going to go over the list and call Grandma's doctor and talk to him about getting her off some things.
She also says that Grandma's pain is getting more prevalent. It was obvious to me, because I noticed her furrowed brow when she would sleep and asked about it. She agreed that the pain is why that was happening and it is time to get her on a more regular regimen of pain meds. So, she is getting her on that.
My Aunt Leslie asked the poor nurse 5 times if she could give us a time frame. I got mad. I could tell the nurse was uncomfortable with the question because let's face it, it is in God's hands. So, I spoke up. Shocking, I know! I told Leslie that there is no way to know at this point, it's in God's hands, and to enjoy TODAY and NOT worry about the future. I don't know that Leslie appreciated it, but the nurse did and so did my dad when I told him, and that is what I care about.... so THERE! Sheeeesh!
I also got a little angry because she is getting dehydrated and yet I was the only one that ever asked her if she needed a drink. What is that all about?!?!? Why am I the only one that can tell when she is needing a swig of water?!?! You would think if someone is sitting there with her day in and day out, they would be able to tell better than I, who is only there once a week!!! UGHHHH!!!! I digress....
It was hard to leave her. But, thankfully, my Grandma Shafer is only two blocks away. I called Grandma Shafer and she said to get on over. So I did. It was so wonderful to vent to her. She agreed with everything I said and questioned. She is such a wonderful woman. I found myself wondering on my ride home what I would do when one day I have no grandparents left. It really won't be long when you look at the big picture. I am not saying Gma Shafer is ill or on Death's doorstep. I think she has time left. However, in the walk of my life, I will have a lot of years without her. I rely on them. A lot. I relied on Gpa Shafer a lot too. Someday, there will be none. I just can't imagine. Today.... I will live for today. I will think about that when it is all done. Enjoy today. Thank God for one more day. Amen.
The bad things: Grandma is definitely declining. Rapid? I don't know. Just seems fast because my heart isn't ready. When she would sleep, which was most of the time, she was gray. There were times she would look at someone, only she wasn't really looking at them, she was looking through them in a state of confusion almost.
The good things: When she was awake, she and I would flip each other crap and giggle. My Aunt Leslie asked how I can get her to do that. I said because I don't talk to her like she is an infant, unlike everyone else around her. I do the same things we have always done and if she doesn't catch on, I do it again. If she still isn't catching on, I change the subject. Simple as that. I didn't have to change the subject once this time though. She caught it every time. It was a wonderful blessing, straight from God Himself. He knew I needed it, and He gave it to me. Thank you, God. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The Hospice Nurse came in while I was there and all I can say is thank God for Hospice. I really mean that. She told me more in 10 minutes than I have been told in the last 3 months, and even my dad said the same thing. We went over her med list because she doesn't take pills well. She honestly never has. And now that she is losing her capacity, it's even worse. The poor girl tries to take a pill and it doesn't get washed down and sits there and melts in her mouth. EWWW!!!! Can you imagine?!?! It makes me so sad! So I told her that anything we can take off the list (it's a page and a half long list.), like her bone density pill, we need to get off. She doesn't need to build her bone density. She is bedridden. She is going to die. Take them away! But then the nurse told me that they can even make a paste of her pain pill and put it on her arm and cover it with a bandaid and she can ingest it that way. AMAZING!!!! But, if you think about it, it makes sense. It would be like a nicotine patch. So, she was going to go over the list and call Grandma's doctor and talk to him about getting her off some things.
She also says that Grandma's pain is getting more prevalent. It was obvious to me, because I noticed her furrowed brow when she would sleep and asked about it. She agreed that the pain is why that was happening and it is time to get her on a more regular regimen of pain meds. So, she is getting her on that.
My Aunt Leslie asked the poor nurse 5 times if she could give us a time frame. I got mad. I could tell the nurse was uncomfortable with the question because let's face it, it is in God's hands. So, I spoke up. Shocking, I know! I told Leslie that there is no way to know at this point, it's in God's hands, and to enjoy TODAY and NOT worry about the future. I don't know that Leslie appreciated it, but the nurse did and so did my dad when I told him, and that is what I care about.... so THERE! Sheeeesh!
I also got a little angry because she is getting dehydrated and yet I was the only one that ever asked her if she needed a drink. What is that all about?!?!? Why am I the only one that can tell when she is needing a swig of water?!?! You would think if someone is sitting there with her day in and day out, they would be able to tell better than I, who is only there once a week!!! UGHHHH!!!! I digress....
It was hard to leave her. But, thankfully, my Grandma Shafer is only two blocks away. I called Grandma Shafer and she said to get on over. So I did. It was so wonderful to vent to her. She agreed with everything I said and questioned. She is such a wonderful woman. I found myself wondering on my ride home what I would do when one day I have no grandparents left. It really won't be long when you look at the big picture. I am not saying Gma Shafer is ill or on Death's doorstep. I think she has time left. However, in the walk of my life, I will have a lot of years without her. I rely on them. A lot. I relied on Gpa Shafer a lot too. Someday, there will be none. I just can't imagine. Today.... I will live for today. I will think about that when it is all done. Enjoy today. Thank God for one more day. Amen.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
gurgle gurgle
On my way to Hastings. My stomach is churning so bad, I hope I can make the hour and a half trip. Uggghhhhhhh. How can a person get so nervous?!?!
Monday, June 23, 2008
CANCER SUCKS AND IS KICKING MY A$$
I am sorry to be so flipping blunt but this is just so hard and once again I am getting crappy news while HOME ALONE. Thank God my kids are in bed.
UGGGHHHHHHHH
Aunt J asked what my parents saw when they went Saturday. Here it is.
Grandma never once called either of them by name. She said maybe 20 words in almost 2 hours. And, she acted as though she were about to vomit the entire time. You know the signs: breathing deeply, swallowing frequently, that kind of thing.
Today, Aunt Leslie got there and shortly after arriving, Grandma started vomiting. A lot. Not just once or twice. Several times.
Sooooo.... what does this mean?
According to Hospice, brain tumors have signs of their stages. First, frequent fainting (That started two weeks ago). Second, frequent vomiting (started today apparently). Third, severe headaches treated with super strong drugs that basically make one comatose (not quite there yet, but only been two weeks since the first symptoms started).
I am sure you all remember when she was blacking out before and falling. That was NOT the same as this. When that all happened, they did scans and it wasn't back in the brain yet. YET being the word. Those spells were from being so weak when they did the intestinal surgery. This is different. It's obviously back in the brain. However, they will most likely not do scans because at this point there is nothing left to do so why bother. Although I in a way want to argue that. I know it won't help her, but there comes a point where we are all looking at each other wondering what these things mean. Do we just accept them? Do we ask for scans? Please don't answer. Those are rhetorical. I am just conveying what we are discussing.
Anyhew, I will be going to see my grandmother Thursday. Yes, I will be calling Grandma Shafer. Whether or not we get together depends on me and my mood, the only thing that has ever kept me from going to her house. There is no need for two of us to be down. And it isn't that I ever don't WANT to see her, it's that most of the time I just need my babies and husband NOW.
Speaking of babies, I need to get the last one down for the night. Will keep you posted.
UGGGHHHHHHHH
Aunt J asked what my parents saw when they went Saturday. Here it is.
Grandma never once called either of them by name. She said maybe 20 words in almost 2 hours. And, she acted as though she were about to vomit the entire time. You know the signs: breathing deeply, swallowing frequently, that kind of thing.
Today, Aunt Leslie got there and shortly after arriving, Grandma started vomiting. A lot. Not just once or twice. Several times.
Sooooo.... what does this mean?
According to Hospice, brain tumors have signs of their stages. First, frequent fainting (That started two weeks ago). Second, frequent vomiting (started today apparently). Third, severe headaches treated with super strong drugs that basically make one comatose (not quite there yet, but only been two weeks since the first symptoms started).
I am sure you all remember when she was blacking out before and falling. That was NOT the same as this. When that all happened, they did scans and it wasn't back in the brain yet. YET being the word. Those spells were from being so weak when they did the intestinal surgery. This is different. It's obviously back in the brain. However, they will most likely not do scans because at this point there is nothing left to do so why bother. Although I in a way want to argue that. I know it won't help her, but there comes a point where we are all looking at each other wondering what these things mean. Do we just accept them? Do we ask for scans? Please don't answer. Those are rhetorical. I am just conveying what we are discussing.
Anyhew, I will be going to see my grandmother Thursday. Yes, I will be calling Grandma Shafer. Whether or not we get together depends on me and my mood, the only thing that has ever kept me from going to her house. There is no need for two of us to be down. And it isn't that I ever don't WANT to see her, it's that most of the time I just need my babies and husband NOW.
Speaking of babies, I need to get the last one down for the night. Will keep you posted.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Much ado about nothing
Not a whole lot new going on around here. Just enjoying the few days we have had of sunshine between storms. Today is one of those days. The time in the sun is being put off this afternoon by Zachary's kindergarten check up. Hard to believe he will be in Kindergarten this fall and Jenna next. Time really does fly.
Grandma is steadily going downhill, sleeping more and more and becoming less active. She has a very small window of awake time to visit, making trips to see her hard to plan. I am hoping to get there sometime this week. We'll see if it comes to fruition.
That's about it for now. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine!!
Grandma is steadily going downhill, sleeping more and more and becoming less active. She has a very small window of awake time to visit, making trips to see her hard to plan. I am hoping to get there sometime this week. We'll see if it comes to fruition.
That's about it for now. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine!!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Hmmmmm.....
I don't really have anything to say. Just stopping in so everyone knows I am still alive.
Oh wait. Yes. There is something.
Grandma is getting worse. She had a seizure yesterday that was apparently so bad it made one of my friends (a nurse at the home) sob. They are not going to do any scans but they are sure it's a sign the cancer is back in her brain and that these seizures will become more frequent and severe with time. How much time? Only God knows. The blessing in this is that she does not, nor will she, remember the seizure or anything about it even happening. She came out of it and asked Heather why she was crying and told her that she would be fine and to stop worrying. Heather told her that she was so scared they were going to lose her and Grandma said she isn't going anywhere for a while. So, we will see.
Also, there is a family in H@stings that a friend of mine knows and used to work with the mom that is going through a horrible tragedy right now and needs our prayers. The dad of the kids (ex husband to the coworker) showed up on Friday to take the kids for the weekend. He took the kids over to his girlfriend's house and went back to the house and shot and killed the ex wife. He then drove himself out to Pr@irie Lake and shot himself, leaving the 4 kids parentless. Please pray for the kids. They range in age, I believe, 10 to 18.
I just wonder what is wrong with people.
Oh wait. Yes. There is something.
Grandma is getting worse. She had a seizure yesterday that was apparently so bad it made one of my friends (a nurse at the home) sob. They are not going to do any scans but they are sure it's a sign the cancer is back in her brain and that these seizures will become more frequent and severe with time. How much time? Only God knows. The blessing in this is that she does not, nor will she, remember the seizure or anything about it even happening. She came out of it and asked Heather why she was crying and told her that she would be fine and to stop worrying. Heather told her that she was so scared they were going to lose her and Grandma said she isn't going anywhere for a while. So, we will see.
Also, there is a family in H@stings that a friend of mine knows and used to work with the mom that is going through a horrible tragedy right now and needs our prayers. The dad of the kids (ex husband to the coworker) showed up on Friday to take the kids for the weekend. He took the kids over to his girlfriend's house and went back to the house and shot and killed the ex wife. He then drove himself out to Pr@irie Lake and shot himself, leaving the 4 kids parentless. Please pray for the kids. They range in age, I believe, 10 to 18.
I just wonder what is wrong with people.
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