Where do they come from?!?

I know that I am not the only person in the world this happens to. Yet, I want to know the various theories on where it comes from.

As I am unloading the dishwasher, dishes I know to be clean, and putting away the silverware, I see them. Those pesky little crumbs in my silverware tray. Where do they come from?!?! You know what I am talking about. They look like toast crumbs. Here's the deal though: My toaster is never on the counter above the silverware. In fact, it is used on the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen. And it isn't like I leave the drawer open to catch all the junk when I do wipe off the counter. So..... where do they come from?!?! I am rather anal about the silverware when taking it out of the dishwasher, inspecting each piece to make sure it's clean before putting it away. I really can't stand grabbing the last clean utensil out of the slot only to find last week's supper still stuck to it.

Where do you think they come from? My theory? Those naughty little elves that trash my clean house every night while I am asleep eat toast to fuel their naughtiness and throw the crumbs in that drawer just before they go downstairs and dirty every stitch of clothing I washed the day before! ;)

Whole lot of nothing

These last few days have been rather nice. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything all weekend. A break much needed. I have done some laundry, but otherwise I have done nothing but lay around and watch movies on tv. You know.... movies like Steel Magnolias and Bruce Almighty. Relaxation has been wonderful. Now I need to make up for it and go get on the mounds of laundry in my basement.

I don't think I posted that Grandma is out of the hospital as of last Monday. We all feel she should have stayed in, but my Aunt Leslie is here from SD so she is staying with her for a couple of weeks, making us all a little more at ease. I am going to try and go out tomorrow just to say hi. Will let you know what's up.

Just trying to live

I don't really like the idea of having to be put on meds just to live my everyday life. When Jenna was a baby, she was sick 24/7 for a year. I mean that literally. There wasn't a time when she wasn't sick the first 11 1/2 months of her life. Then she got tubes in her ears and it was all better. But, during that time, I had to be put on anti anxiety meds. Lex@pro. It worked wonders. I felt so good that I even lost 75 pounds that year because I actually felt like getting off my arse and getting on the treadmill. It was awesome. Then, I decided, along with my doctor, that after being on it for two years that maybe I should try and go without it. I have been more than fine these last couple of years off of it. But now, I am beginning to wonder if maybe I need to go back on it. I am tired all the time. I realize that I am a mother of three and run a daycare.... and I literally mean RUN.... but I am just plain BLAH. I am mad 90% of the time and can't even explain why. I am never mad at or toward the kids. For some reason they are the only ones that bring any joy right now and I have the patience of a saint with all of them. I love each and every one of them with all my heart and soul, including the daycare kids. There isn't anything I won't do for any one of them. But then there is everything else. I just can't seem to cope. I don't want to spend my life taking a pill just to be able to live, but should I? I don't like being mad. And I really can't explain how MAD I really am. I am seriously flaming pissed at the world right now. This is a huge reason for my lack of posting. If I can't say anything good, I just don't say anything. And then I spend all of my time silent (Believe it or not!) and bottling it all up.

These decisions, although easy for some, really stink for me. I don't like it. If it was any one of you asking, I would say GO ON THE MEDS!!!! But for me, for some reason, it just isn't that easy. UGH.

Hard

Everything. It all just seems so hard these days. Cooking. Cleaning. Blogging. Eating. Sleeping. All of it. I don't feel like I even have time to breathe most days. Oh don't get me wrong. I love my to do list right now. Although I wish some of the circumstances were different, I do love the list. I love taking Zack to school three days a week. I love all of my daycare kids as if they were my own. I love cuddling with Jenna on the couch or in my bed on nights when the hubs is on the road. I love helping Addison with homework. I love spending time cleaning Grandma's house and chatting it up with her. But now I am sick. Really sick. The yucky "flu" sick. Not the influenza type with the congestion and all that.... the kind where things are coming out of you from both ends and you can't stop once you start..... the kind where you ache from head to toe and just want to sleep the day away but can't because you have children to care for (just my own.... told daycare to stay away!!). But I have to tell you that even before I got sick, my give a s*** has been busted. I look around my house and think "Eh forget it, I'm going to bed!". I have been very much like Scarlet and the "Tomorrow is another day" attitude. Thing is.... tomorrow comes and the give a s*** is still busted. I am hoping that it's just a case of the duldrums and that I get over it soon. Maybe it's winter blues. I love winter, but it's still possible. Maybe it's the anticipation of the near future and what it holds. Maybe it's just life. Maybe God will take it away this time when I ask. Maybe not. Unanswered prayers, I know.... but I can hope that He will want what I want tonight. I want my gusto back, if only for a couple of days. Just to get the cobwebs down and the laundry caught up.

Once again, not a happy post. I am just not happy today. But..... tomorrow is another day......