FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!! And this isn't good news pending on stupid medical stuff. This is really, genuine WONDERFUL news.

I got a phone call yesterday from one of our very dear friends in Omaha that Wayne will be home from Iraq in less than a week!!!! He has been gone since September 5, 2006 (Zack's birthday). He called the night before last and told his wife, Amy, that he couldn't talk long because he was in the bathroom calling her so he didn't get caught and they were boarding their flight to Kuwait. The first leg of flights that will bring him home, for good, BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!! The REALLY terrific news?!?! My husband is on vacation the whole first week Wayne is home!!! FINALLY!!!!! ANSWERED PRAYERS!!!! He will be home!! Safe and sound!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!

Also.... yesterday.... found out that my (bar far) favorite daycare family is expecting their third child. Although it is coming a couple years sooner than planned (we all know how that goes!!!), we are VERY excited to learn this news. Please pray that all is well with the little one and mommy through the next few months.

I am so glad that I can finally post something happy. See.... God is good!! Don't let the yuckies make you forget that!!!

I hope that you all get something.... anything... good today. Even if it's just a little bite of chocolate or one of your children making a silly face to make you smile. I love you all!!

Regret

I hope this late post doesn't seem cliche. But I have to get it off my chest.

She is gone. And as I read the postings about this loss, there is one image that keeps playing through my mind. It has been since it happened. I had hoped that it wouldn't be the way it all ended, but alas, that hope didn't come true.

The last time I saw Jacque was in October in Omaha in the driveway at Mel's. As we were all walking in the house and she was sitting in the car, I turned back to say "see you later" one more time. She reached out her hand. I thought it was just to wave one more time. But as I turned my back, I realized that it wasn't to wave. It was to touch one more time. Not really a shaking of hands, but more so a holding. A pat. One more human touch between friends. By the time I figured it out, they were backing down the drive and it was too late. Not really too late though. Mark would have stopped so that I could hug her. He wouldn't have thought twice. But, I didn't try. And now, I will never again see her face. I will never again get to hug her. I will never again get to pat her hand. And for that, I carry regret.

I pray that she knows how much she means to me, how much she really did change me. Change for the better. I find myself thinking "What would Jacque do to make these kids see that (enter circumstance here)?". I miss her. I hope she knows. I hope when she is looking down, she isn't disappointed.

Grief. Regret. Bummer.

Just checking in

I don't really feel like there is a lot to update anybody on at this point. The kids are all sick with a terrible cough. I am taking them in at 2:45 today, so I will try and remember to post what we find. Hopefully they get a good Rx for cough syrup. Good ole Robitussin isn't cutting it this time.

I am just so busy these days there isn't a lot of time to sit and type!! Ugh! Kinda feel like a chicken with its head cut off and all that jazz.

Hope you are all well. Will try and really catch up soon!!

I am thankful

With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I am thinking of all that I am thankful for this year. It isn't so easy with all the dark clouds looming over so many things these days. But, there are things. So, this is some of the list.

I am thankful that I have three healthy children. I know now more than ever that that fact can change at the drop of a hat. And for now, I am thanking God every day for letting them be healthy, happy children that make me smile every day, several times a day.

I am thankful that I have a husband that works so hard so that I can stay home with our children. Yes it is stressful most days and no, it doesn't allow for a glamorous life, but we wouldn't have it any other way. (Unless someone would like to hand us a million dollars!!! ;))

I am thankful that Dr. Bruno, my grandmother's oncologist, listened to God's angels whispering in her ear in October and looked over those scans again. Without her listening, my grandma wouldn't be here for Christmas this year. And she will be. Thanks be to God!!

I am thankful for my Aunt Denise. Without her emailing us to tell us what is going on with Grandma, I would have messed up most of the time I tried to relay the news to my husband after I would talk to my Dad on the phone. It's nice to have notes to go read to remember all that needs to be told.

I am thankful for Donna. She is my grandma's best friend. She has been a rock through all of this and helped more than anyone could have asked. Her husband has beginning stages of Alzheimer's and yet she is there whenever Grandma needs her, and then some, taking her meals, checking in on her, getting her medicines at the store..... the list is long. I love her more than she will EVER know. She is a gift straight from God to our family.

I am thankful for my Aunt Judy. She too has been sending oodles of emails about a sick child in our family. When I say oodles, I really mean oodles. She is so diligent in all that she has done. Thank you, Aunt Judy. The burden you have taken on keeping us all posted, even though you won't admit it, is a huge undertaking. Yet you never complain or fail to keep us up to date. And not only with this. Also with Uncle Melvin and Roberta..... you are more wonderful than you will EVER know. We ALL love and thank you!!!

I am thankful for my parents and brother. I have been blessed with one of the greatest families in the world. My brother is one of my, if not THE, best friends. He amazes me more and more every time we talk. I love him. And my parents..... it goes without saying..... I am so lucky. It's just that simple.

Last, but not least. I am thankful that I have a wonderful, working relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, nothing is possible in my life. He has taken so much burden from my shoulders and wrapped me in His love when I felt most alone. He is caring and kind. He loves me like no one ever will. He is Genuine and Pure. He is my Lord, and I love him.

God is Good!!!!




Wishing all of you a wonderful, thankful, blessed Thanksgiving holiday. Treasure every minute, for life is short and precious. We are only here for a blip in time, compared to the wonderful things ahead in the hereafter. Tell those you love that you love them and don't hesitate to hug them. You never know. You just never know.

How to cook a turkey

By Preschooler Zachary Thumann


Things you will need:

turkey
a pot
pepper
salt
butter
"onkins" (onions)

What to do:

Cook it in the oven with apples for eleven minutes. Then it's time to eat it!!

More news

Here is the latest email from my aunt about Grandma:


Hi,
I guess it's a little too early to celebrate. This is what we know so far. Yes the colonoscopy
showed no cancer. However, Mom's oncologist is still concerned. She feels there are two
conflicting diagnosis. The CT scan showed something. She is afraid something is growing
on the outer wall of the colon. (Internal the colon is clear. The pathology report came back
fine). Dr Bruno has put a call in to a gasterenterologist (sp) for his thoughts. She wants mom
to have another biopsy, of this mass on the outside of the colon. GEES! She went on with
chemo today (the full cocktail, nothing withheld). Remember the CT scan showed nothing in
the other organs, which is good. But she, (we ALL) need your prayers for strength. This is
one emotional rollarcoaster, to say the least.
I will keep you posted as we learn it.
Denise

Back to it

I have given this question to God thing a LOT of thought. I have decided that it all makes a difference on where you are in your life as to what the question would pertain. There, of course, are the obvious that have to do with events in my life right now. The ones that you ask anyway, like: Why do bad things happen to good people and Why is my family being forced to relive the past with this stuff with Grandma.

Inevitably, if one was actually able to ask God a question and receive His answer, as soon as the event was over and the answer was given, another "better" question would come to mind and bug them the rest of their life anyway. So, as of today, this is my question to God:

Am I really as bad of a mother as I think I am and pressure myself not to be?

Update on Grandma Barb

First email from Mom this morning:

Aunt Denise called Dad. Grandma is done with her colonoscopy. No tumor, no
malignancy!!!!!

My reply:

Then what in the H*** did they see on that scan?!?! Uuugghhhh!!! I am so confused!!! I know I know... .when you ask God for a miracle don't question when he gives it..... but seriously. Is there no blockage?? Nothing at all?

Her reply:

Apparently there is a blockage of some kind. Dr. Seiler thinks it is a thickening of the wall and they will need to investigate, but the news is still good.

Soooo..... another bullet dodged, for now. Once again, THANK YOU ALL for your prayers. I will keep you posted on what they decide to do about this, but please don't stop the prayers. That is the strongest medicine for her and our family. And.... as always.... keep the prayers coming for OM's family. Hopefully there will be some good news for them soon, too.

Love to you all!

Supper discussion

I asked Addison what she learned in school today and one of the things she told me was about a book that they read. Moonstruck I believe was the name of it. At any rate, the animals have a contest to see who can jump the highest and the cow wins so he gets to jump over the moon.

Zachary asks, "why didn't the cow jump over the sun?"

Addison says, "Because that's not how the story goes"

Zachary says, "But he can see better going over the sun."

Addison gets irritated.

I say, "If he tried to jump over the sun, he would get sunburned. Have you ever heard of someone getting a moonburn?"

Zachary, " Oooooh!!! Good point Mom!!"

Phew..... thinking on the fly......

Thankful

Ok, I still haven't thought about my question for God. BUT.... when I logged on this morning, I checked to see what people had posted. "Wow!," I thought. "ELEVEN posts!!!" I go to read them and nine of the 11 are from my dear Aunt Judy. You MUST go down and read them!!! I have to say, this was MUCH needed comic relief. Thank you, Aunt Judy, for once again making me smile. I love you!!!

One question

I heard something on the radio yesterday morning about a series of books. I can't remember the name of them, but the idea of the books is this: If you could ask God ONE question, what would it be? Anything. But only one. So, I am asking all of you.... If you could ask God one question, one and only one, what would you ask? I am still thinking on mine, but I will let you know when I come up with my "final answer".

MAD!!

I have gone from sad to mad. I don't mean just "Oh I'm kind of angry". No. I am PISSED. WHY is this crap happening?!?! UGH!!! I don't question God. I just want to know WHY!! All of it! Why?!?! Why is my dad's family going through the same crap only 30 years later and through longer duration? Why is a beautiful innocent child suffering through treatments like this? Why why why why WHY?!?!? I am NOT having a pity party here. This is NOT about me. It is about the cliche of bad things happening to good... no wonderful, terrific, beautiful.... people. WHY?!?!? The people that I love the most in my life are hurting so deeply right now and there is nothing any of us can do to fix it. I am a fixer. I can't stand not being able to get in there and help. Praying, yes. Obviously. But, as I said, I am impatient. I want to be able to just go in there and FIX IT.

And I can't.

Defeat

I am feeling so defeated right now. My dad just called to tell me that Grandma got some scans results and it just isn't good. The adrenal tumors are unchanged, which isn't good or bad, it just IS. However, there is a new tumor in the upper colon, which can also mean that the beast as we have been calling it is in the lymphnodes. Defeat. Battle lost. But not the war. Not yet. I just wonder. I mean I REALLY wonder... when will our family get some GOOD news?!!?

God is good. He will help us. This is in His hands. His will be done. But..... what exactly is His will? When will we know? Impatience is one of my worst traits. It's getting the best of me today. I am sorry I don't have anything good to say right now. I am just sad. So sad.

Thank you for letting me vent. And, as always, PLEASE pray for Grandma and her kids. My dad is just so down. Hearing your Daddy's voice crack isn't a fun thing.

Also, PLEASE pray for OM's family. They need them too. Please don't forget them when talking to God for miracles.

Again.... thank you.

Little learning milestones

As we were driving to preschool yesterday (without a stinkin show and tell item!), following a milk truck, Zack and I had the following conversation:

Z: Hey Mommy. How much is one of those milks?

M: Probably three dollars, closer to four.

Z: I don't think so, Mom. I think it cost nine zero seven

I look closer at the writings on the back of the truck. There is one of those "How's my driving" stickers and under the phone number, is the truck number: 907. I went on to explain to Zachary that he did say the numbers right, but that wasn't the cost of the milk, it was the number of his truck.

It's so awesome to watch little minds grow!

Uh oh

I fear that I get the "Least organized bad mommy of the year" award. I can't even tell you how hard I really do try to be organized and keep things out where I can see them and won't forget my kids' events. I even have a planner..... that hasn't been written in since March.

It started with forgetting every Wednesday that Zachary has show and tell for preschool. For some reason I couldn't get it out of my head that it isn't on Fridays like it was when Addison went. It's Wednesdays now. That's fine. It's great even. Except my brain doesn't grasp it.

Two weeks ago was the first Girl Scout meeting for Addison's troop. It was at 6. I remembered it that morning. It was written on the calendar. No problem. We would be able to go, no hassles what-so-ever. I remembered it again at 8 that night when one of her troop leaders called to make sure she was still going to be in it. Bad Mommy.

Then last week, on Wednesday night, Addison and I had this nice long talk about an awards ceremony the following day at her school for perfect attendance. A ceremony in which she was getting an award. We talked about how we would all be able to come and what time it was and everything. The paper was in my hand. I laid it on the counter by the coffee pot, just so I would see it in the morning and not forget. I saw it. We talked about it on the way to school. I told her I would see her at 11:25. At 11:27, I remembered that we were supposed to be at the school. By the time I would have gotten everyone loaded and to the school, it would have been over. Bad Mommy.

Now, this week, tonight as a matter of fact, was Addison's second GS meeting. I remembered. I really did remember to take her!!! We got there at 6:30. Right on time!!!! We walked in the door and all the girls were doing different things and when we walked in I almost felt like we had disturbed them. I came home and told Jeremy that I was amazed at how quickly they got started on their projects and how I felt like we walked in late. I looked at the calendar to make sure what time I needed to pick her up. 7:30. No problem. Wait. I thought it went from 6:30-8? Uh oooooh..... 6-7:30. WE WERE LATE!!!!! UUUGGGHHHH!!!!!! BAD MOMMY!!!!!

Will I EVER get into gear?!?! Why is it so hard for my brain to get this stuff?!?!? I'm only 30! I have the mind of a 70 year old with Alzheimers. I can't even remember to write things in my planner. And when I remember to write it on the calendar, I forget to check it every morning!!! What am I going to do when I have THREE in different things at once?

Breathe..... just breathe.......

How many....

Licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Discuss......

Family Time

This weekend was slow, but wonderful. It is the first weekend in a month (at least) that we haven't had anything planned. So, we decided to make the most of it and just have some down time. It was wonderful.

Saturday was filled, as always this time of year, with football. Although the Huskers lost, it ended up being a good day of ball games. I should add here that, much to the chagrin of other Husker fans, I am also an OU fan and they stomped some booty thus evening out the Huskers' terrible loss. The day was also topped off with a call from my "little" brother that he was bored and was coming out. It ended up being a night of just hanging out and chatting and.... it was wonderful.

Sunday was wonderful, too. Another cousin, Cassandra, called to see if I could watch her daughter while they worked. She originally called thinking I would be in Omaha at my parents' house. When I told her I was actually home, she asked if it was ok to bring her out here. Was she kidding?!?!? ABSOLUTELY it was ok!!! DUH!!! So, she brought Mariah out and oh my gosh, it was so much fun!!! That baby never ceases making me smile. She is just so funny!!! And THEN.....

My Uncle Paul called me. I love my Uncle Paul. My Uncle Paul is one of the most awesome people I know. I really mean that. Words can't explain how much this man means to me. He always has the best stories in the world. He is just plain wonderful. Anyway.... he was on his way to fix my cousin, Tyler's, car and wanted to know if we would be around so he could stop out and say hello. After fixing Tyler's car, he stopped out for an hour and chatted with all of us (Cassandra was here to get Mariah by this time). It was just perfect. I mean perfect. Again, we say it a lot, but our family has to be one of, if not THE, best family in the world. Love doesn't even begin to describe it.

All in all, it was a low key but wonderful weekend home. I hope you have all had just as great of a weekend!!!

God only knows...

I have this cousin. Ok, I have a LOT of cousins. But today I am going to talk about one in particular that has, like many of my others, touched my family in a way that is indescribable.

She has helped me talk things out in my life when I needed it most. She has listened when I needed someone to just listen, and conversed when I needed conversation. She has shared in the value of chocolate and a cup of coffee. She is not only family, she is my friend.

Growing up, we spent a lot of time at their house. We got in to a little trouble on a three wheeler. We made mud pies. We went across the road to her Grams' house to eat strawberries and raspberries out of the garden, and also got into a little trouble when we didn't eat a whole lot of supper because we had eaten too many berries.

As adults, she has come to my house numerous times and just hung out. She was the one I called to come sit Zack and Addison when I went into labor with Jenna, and brought them to the hospital once she was (FINALLY!!!) born. (Yes, her twin helped tremendously too). Then....

She moved. I am so happy for her that she is making this great change in her life. And doing so well. Proud doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel for her. But I miss her. A lot. And, this morning, I came to realize just how much I wasn't alone when the following conversation happened in my van when the song "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys came on:

Jenna (singing in the back seat): Mommy, I love this song!

Mommy (also singing): I love it too, Moo.

Jenna: Mommy, when is Stacey coming to see us again?

Mommy (choked up): In a few weeks, Moo.

Jenna: Mommy, will you tell her I love her?

Mommy: Yes, I will tell her when I talk to her again. Or, maybe YOU can tell her!!

Jenna: I will just hug her when she is here, ok?

Mommy: That sounds like a great plan to me, Moo.


I, too, love my Stacey. And, I thank her for being not only my cousin, but one of my very best friends.

Last night

Halloween was a lot of fun this year. For the first time since our oldest, Addison, was born, Jeremy and I both got to take the kids out Trick or Treating together. It has always been that either he wasn't home or I was home with a baby that was too little to go out. It was a lot of fun, and, of course, the mounds of candy and wrappers are everywhere!!! I hope you all had a good one too!!