Hello, hello, hello....

Is there anybody out there??

I feel as though maybe my postings here aren't being seen by anyone but myself. Oh well....

Nothing new to report here, other than I remembered after my last posting that I haven't said much about Grandma lately. She got sick again with this round of chemo, but not as bad as last time, because she knew what she was looking for and went in right away for fluids. Last I heard, she is still drained, but doing ok. Please keep praying. I am getting a feeling in my gut that what we hear on the 18th won't be what we are hoping for. Not trying to be pessimistic, but realistic. And if it's not doing any good, I know my Grandmother.... she won't continue with the treatments. Pray hard!!

I also have something (relating to Grandma) that I would like to vent about. I have this cousin that posts on another site. It's MySpace. EVERY TIME that she posts something, it has something to do with our Grandmother and how she is "close to Death" or how we are "about to lose her". I can't STAND it. Granted, I post on here to update everyone, because there are people that read this that want to know how she is doing, but just in case it isn't good, don't want to call because they know that it will upset me. (Upset in the sense of make me cry when I may have just gotten myself to calm down) That and let's face it, sometimes it's just nice to send a fear out into the great unknown. But to say on a stupid survey question (several survey questions) things about about to lose or being close to losing or a dying Grandmother??? GET REAL. She isn't THAT bad. DRAMA!!! UGH!!! But then.... I must admit..... part of me starts to wonder what people may not be telling me. I know it's sick. I know it's wrong.

How do I convince myself that there isn't anything I am not being told?


Because my Grandma and I are CLOSE. Closer than a LOT of Grandmothers and Granddaughters. I lived with her when I was 20 for about a year. She helped me through some rough times. And I helped her. When her mom, my Great Grandma Boyle, was suffering the final stages of Alzheimers, I lived with my grandma. She, up to that point, had pretty much beeen the only one taking care of my great grandma. When I moved in, I flat out told her, this is it, you aren't doing this alone anymore. We then set up a schedule because she had been going to the home EVERY day to see my gg. From that point on, I went out on laundry days and one other day of the week. I did my gg's laundry (which I can't lie, was awful, because she had, for the most part, lost control of her bladder/bowels) so that my grandma wouldn't see how bad it really was. I lied to my gg when she called the house thinking that I was my aunt and called me Leslie and just went along with it because the disease had eaten her brain so badly that she really thought I was Leslie and was still living at home and it was just easier to go along with it than to try and tell her differently. I could go on for hours about what I saw and did during the final stages of her life, but the point is this:

This cousin has no clue. No idea how precious life really is. No idea. Not one iota. And it pisses me off to no end that she is using my grandma's illness to get her own sympathy and compassion. That is NOT what this is about. I am just so MAD at her!! I want to shake her and tell her that all of the fricken spoiling that she has gotten from her parents won't save her from shit like this and that no matter what she has in her life, she can't take it with her when she goes and that using OUR grandmother for HER OWN PERSONAL pitty party is SICK and WRONG and that God wouldn't approve!!!

I know it's wrong. I shouldn't be bitter. But I am. Let's top this whole little story off with a tid bit of how I (and my dad, this sick grandma's only son) found out about Grandma being sick...... through this same person's friggen MySpace blog!! Not from the proverbial horse's mouth..... from a "child's" (she's 23) BLOG!!!!

God help me!