Good, Good, and Gooder

Yes, I know.... "gooder" isn't a word. I may just be a stay at home mom, but I know. HOWEVER....

Today was FULL of accomplishments and it isn't even close to being over.

I honestly didn't get any sleep last night. For once, it wasn't because I was full of worry and doubts (Grandma). It was all because of anticipation. The GOOD kind. The kind where I finally feel like ME again and not just a mommy and wife. I am focusing on ME. And it feels so good to be back. My identity is NOT lost after all.

I woke up this morning after my couple of hours of sleep and called the insurance company to make sure that they covered the smoking cessation drug I wanted to take (Chantix) and if they didn't, which ones they did cover. I called three or four numbers to finally get someone to answer. I mean to tell you that the first few numbers I called there wasn't even an automated answering system. Nothing. Not a good feeling to get when you are calling your insurance company. So, I finally get someone to answer the phone. A very nice man named David answered and I started piling on the questions. I asked him if they covered the drug I wanted and if not, if there were any that they did cover. (I had previously been told that "no insurance companies cover that type of med". Well, my informer couldn't have been more wrong. TWENTY DOLLARS PER FILL!!!! TWENTY DOLLARS!!! That's almost 1/4 what we spend a week in cigarettes!!! YAAAYYY!!!!

So, when I went in to the doctor, I told him exactly what I wanted. He said,"You do know that this stuff is expensive. Not as expensive as smoking, but still isn't cheap". I told him oooooh no, sweetheart (My dr and I are more friends than doctor/patient), it's only $20. He shot me a look that I haven't seen in the 7 years that he has been our family physician. So, I said, I am ready. As long as I can take it with Envision and handed him a print out of the ingredients in said supplement. (At this point, I am so proud of all my research, that I shoot him an "I ain't foolin with this s***" glance. He read through it all and said that it would be perfectly fine to take them together and asked if there was anything else that I knew. I said, matter of factly, "Yes..... I have dropped 4 pounds since Sunday." He smiled from ear to ear and gave me a "pound" (fist hitting fist). He asked what my motivation was. I said, "To be a MILF by October when I turn 30." He said that he vows to help me get there.

The rest of my day is well..... History. Once I left there, I felt (and still feel) like I can conquer the world. And I will. One step at a time.

My next step: to send Grandma a card stating that taking the Chantix is my gift to her. I will never be a smoker again. Amen.

Note to Self: When it gets rough, remember today. It won't hurt forever. Keep saying....I'm quitting, I'm quitting, I'm quitting.....I AM QUITTING!!!!

A little less

Ever have those days where you just FEEL lighter?? Well, I had one of those yesterday so I thought I would just test it today. -3.5!!! I had been holding steady for about six weeks, and now I am headed back down again. Oh, it's going to be a wonderful day!!

Changes

This blog may have just taken a different turn. It may change for the time being from losing weight to losing a habit. Either way, both things will happen, but first things first, I have to lose the habit. The habit of smoking. Let's think about this. If I stop smoking, I will feel better and have more energy to actually do what it takes to lose the weight. Not only that, watching my Grandmother die at the young age of 71 from lung cancer and all of the other cancers following it is a strong motivator. I will NOT be the one to decide it's ok for my family to watch me die like that. It won't be my family going through this in 41 years with me. I am not ready to say my life is damn near half over. No way, no how. It stops and it stops here. It's going to be a LOT harder than weight loss. But WAY more worth it. I can be chunky.... long as I don't smell like a butt.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor at 11:30 to be put on Chantix.

Here's hoping. No.... not hoping. Here's the starting line. I AM DOING THIS. Not just for me. For EVERYONE that I love. Thank you for motivating me. If I don't take care of me, I can't take care of everyone else.

Note to Self: Yeah, this is pry gonna suck. Way worse than not eating the foods you crave. But.... the benefits outweigh the habit. JUST STOP. Read this when it gets tough. Turn to the blog and the support, not the habit. JUST DO IT. JUST WANT IT. EVERY DAY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. For a LONGER life!! Do it to be able to chase the kids. Do it to ride bikes longer and faster with the kids! Do it to show them that you care and that you know they don't like how you smell and cough and are always tired. DO IT NOW.....FOR THE REST FO YOUR LIFE!!!! Don't let Grandma's pain be in vain.

I'm just so.....

TIRED!!!! I am thinking tonight will be a night full of lounging on the couch and watching crappy tv. We were supposed to have some people out over the weekend here and there and it seems as though all of those plans have fallen through.... a bit of a blessing in disguise.

Other than being tired the day has gone pretty well as far as the diet. No binge eating. No major bad food intake. Nothing really to report. Life got a little overwhelming for a couple of hours, but my good friend Miller Lite helped me out, and now I am in an even calm, ready to just be..... here.

I hope the rest of the weekend goes well. It's so easy to get caught up in the great and yummy grilled foods and fun. Maybe no one will show up and I will sit here and smell everyone else's grilled foods while I eat my salads. :S

Because I CAN.....

I know I can do this. The nice thing is, when I am down my partner in this venture is up and vise versa. It's nice to have a cheerleader in my corner. It helps, and it helps a LOT. It makes me realize that it isn't going to be that hard, because I am not alone this time. I love it.

The beef stroganoff was REALLY good, although my kids weren't too fond of it. **sigh** I just don't get it. It has all the things they like in it, but they didn't dig it. Maybe they will have to have something different when I get a craving for it. I can always just cut up part of the steak for them to eat and they can have the veggies too. Not a bad meal, and not making me make three different meals.

Going to the store tonight to get the stuff to make the Mock Risotto. Cousin said her kids loved it. I can't imagine mine not liking it, since they LOVE rice. Although.... that's what I thought about the beef stroganoff. UGH. Oh well. We'll see. It sickens me how I hear my mother in my voice when I say, "You will eat it, or you will be SUPER hungry at breakfast!!". But, she was right. And it's my new philosophy. And it worked.... after about two hours of crying and arguing.... from the SEVEN year old!!! GGRRRR!!!!.... I digress....

So far so good on the Envision. I am hungry now though, so I must close to eat some lunch. On today's menu.... romaine salad with 1/2 cup diced ham and 1/4 cup cheese and light catalina dressing. Don't know that Catalina is one of my faves, but it needs to be used before it goes bad. I HATE to throw food out!!! ;)

nope....

Making the beef stroganoff from the Eating Well web site. Sorry folks, I don't have a clue how to do the link thingy. I will, however, let you know how it turns out. I am so looking forward to my YUMMY meal. I love food. Especially now that I have found HEALTHY things to make. It isn't really that I don't cook healthy things. It's more that I take too many helpings. No more, babe. I want it. EVERY DAY.

Slug

That's what I am today. A slug. I did go get my booster, Envision. I am hoping that I don't have the normal side effects as I do with other diet aids. I really hope this one is different. Please, God..... let it be different. I don't want to just take a miracle pill to lose weight. No.... I want a boost that will help me feel better and get the first few pounds off so that I can actually get off my butt and move! So, tomorrow it starts. I WILL DO THIS.

Found the scale after a few days of it being packed away. Tomorrow I will weigh in and state my goals for the week to follow. Note that the "weeks" will be Tuesday-Monday from there on out.

Today has been all about water, water, and more water. Ate VERY well today. It's sick how excited I got this morning at the grocery store when I found the most beautiful head of Romaine lettuce I think I have ever seen in my life. And it was so CHEAP!! Ohhhhh, how I love my new grocery store. I think they have literally saved my life. Tonight, supper will most likely consist of either spaghetti or alfredo. Haven't decided which. Most likely spaghetti. I like red sauce over wheat pasta better than alfredo. Hmmm.... maybe I should stop thinking it out over my blog??? ;)

I hope that tomorrow feels as good as I "Envision" it to. "You have to want it every day"..... I DO.

Saturday

Nothing to report, really. Other than the fact that I am so glad it's the weekend, I can't stand it. I have nothing planned. Just sitting. Did so much this week that I am ready to take a much needed break. So, we are. The kids are out back in the pool and I am in here just puttering around like a lost puppy. I don't do the lounging thing well. I always think of something that needs done. My husband HATES watching tv with me, because every commercial break, I am up loading the dishwasher or switching loads of laundry. I am trying really hard not to do that today. Doing the bare minimum laundry and that's it.

So, there isn't anything to tell. I just thought I would pop in and say hello so you know I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Hopefully I have something more to tell later.

No day but today

That was my motto today. No day but today. I even listened to the song to pump myself up. I HAD to get things done. HAD TO. And I did. I can't physically get on the treadmill today. I just can't. My feet hurt. And they hurt bad. However, I am considering the honest to goodness minimum of 50 trips up and down the stairs today a feat in itself and I will be feeling the pain even more tomorrow, only in the legs and bum. So it's all good, right?


Food intake was GREAT. Just read my cousin's blog about her accomplishment in the dinner department. I am feeling the same victory. I made BBQ meatballs for supper last night. I had 3. They are walnut sized, so that really isn't a lot. Normally I would eat about 8 and complain that I felt like I was going to vomit for the next 3 hours. Today I sat for about 10 minutes and ate some leftovers. Again, I had 3. For supper? a McChicken sandwich and diet coke. Not a great choice, no. But, I didn't get any fries and I didn't get TWO sandwiches like I REALLY wanted too. I just ate one. Then I came home and got back to work. I didn't think about it. I just did it.

My new motto..... JUST DO IT!!! (Not the Nike version.... the NIKKI version!!!)

NOT tonight

I will not be working out tonight. No way no how. I will be emptying out every crevise of my house, which in itself is a HUGE undertaking and a MAJOR workout. Good thing the garbage men will be here tomorrow!!!

day.... whatever.

I haven't done very well in keeping records the last few days. Not posting over the weekend kinda got me off track. Not on the diet, but on the blogging.

I was rather surprised that this weekend went as well as it did. I did drink quite a bit, but as far as the food goes, it wasn't bad at all. And it wasn't like I was fall down drunk all weekend. But I am sure I consumed WAY too many calories in that department.

Supper on Mother's Day consisted of a spinach salad, Cornish game hen on a bed of wild rice with asparagus and sweet pea pods, all followed by bananas foster. My Dad, brother, and husband all prepared the meal. It was AWESOME. And, I didn't eat til I was stuffed. I just ate until I was content.

I have taken on a new outlook on eating. I am not eating just three "big" meals a day. I am eating more like 5-6 tiny meals a day without going over the calorie count. It's working well, because I never hit that "starving" mark where I want to sit in front of an open refrigerator door and binge. I just eat an apple here, a cup of yogurt there, a sandwich here, a handful of dried fruit there...... it's nice. I like it. The kids are liking it too. There is always something good for them to snack on and it seems as though we are all eating better. Not that they ever ate bad. Honestly, my kids are the type that if you put a cookie in one hand and an apple in the other, they will eat the apple first. I am taking lessons from them.

The other thing that is aiding in our eating better is the fact that they just opened a grocery store about a mile from my house. It used to be that the closest one was about 10 miles away. Not conducive to getting fresh fruits and veggies and them not going bad (I made 8 loaves of banana bread a couple weeks ago because we over bought on bananas and they all went "bad" too fast). Now, I can go to the store every other day and get some fresh fruits and veggies and it only takes me about 10 minutes round trip, vs the 45 minute minimum to go to the old one. YAAAAYYYY!!!!

Tomorrow I will weigh in. From then on out, Tuesdays are weigh in days. Mondays suck bad enough the way it is. We'll make it Tuesdays.

Also.... needing ideas (other than my bike) for exercise that require little foot use. Have plantars warts that are being treated and the treadmill is NOT going to happen for about a month. Ideas???

Day 5

Yes, I know.... where is day 4? It didn't happen. At all. It was lousy. So, rather than try to brighten it with a date on the treadmill, I went to bed. I woke up feeling MUCH better today. It's been a very productive and happy day full of watching the kids swim and sitting in the sun just taking it all in. Food intake was great. I haven't eaten a lot, and it has all pretty much been healthful.

Now for Friday Afternoon Club and alcohol intake. Screw it. I can't even lie or try to pretend that I am not going to imbibe. I am. Until I have had my fill. It's been a poopy week and I deserve it!!

Don't know how much I will get posted this weekend, but wish all who read this a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Day 3

Today wasn't good. I ate ok. But I didn't exercise. Yet. I am honestly waiting for the kids to get to sleep. I have been so tired today. I actually fell asleep on the couch waiting for supper to cook in the oven. Problem being, I didn't feel refreshed when I woke up. I woke up, as I have a few nights in the last week, with my heart pounding so hard that it took me about 10 minutes to get it back to normal. Heart issues on both sides of my family. Not a good thing. I know I know. Go to the doctor. I will. My next visit is in June. Hopefully it will hold that long. I am not thrilled to find the truth about it. I am scared of the truth (in this matter). And I keep telling myself that it can't be my weight. I AM overweight, but not obese. At least I don't think I am..... I guess I don't know the definition of obese exactly. But I have seen a LOT of people in this world that are a LOT heavier than I am and THEY never have heart issues. Sure, they have other health issues. But not the heart. So it can't be the weight, right?

Food count was ok today. Not stellar. Not been a great day, really. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Note to Self: You can do this. Seriously. You know you can. You have done it before. Get off your butt and go for it. Think of how great you felt two summers ago when you could actually play soccer with the kids without feeling like you were going to die!! GET UP AND GO!!!!


10:06: Got on the treadmill, but not for long. Only about 30 minutes. Better than nothing I guess. Going to bed. Good night.

Day 2

Eh. It was..... ok. I am so tired. I just don't get it. I know, I know.... keep those feet moving and it will get better. The thing is.... getting the feet moving!

I did get off my arse. I went out to mow. May not seem like a big chore, but today it was. I got the front done and as I was headed to the back, the mower died. I wasn't shocked, really. It sat out in the monsoon we got last week, so I was pretty sure it would happen at some point. Well, I didn't expect it to never run the same again through the whole mowing. It's a self propelled mower. I must add here that I do NOT like the self propelling option. I loathe it. Part of the reason I love to mow is the fact that it IS exercise, no matter how much or little, it is exercise. Self propelling just isn't the same. Today, though, mowing without it was an awful chore. Evidently when it wasn't in self propel, the wheels were all but locked up. I have never in my life had to push a mower with the force that I did today. It was more than a workout. I wish my body came with a "calories burned" counter installed. I would like to think that every single calorie I took in today was burned in my back lawn.

Then, my kids won. I asked what they wanted me to make for supper. Their answer? MCDONALDS!!!! I really did fight with them for about half an hour. Not condusive to what I am trying to do here, folks. Then it hit me..... I LOVE THEIR SALADS. No, really. Have you ever tried a McDonald's salad? MMMMMMM Try one. They are the BEST. Honestly. So, I gave in. Not really to the kids, but to my craving. I figured, heck, I am having a healthy craving for once, why not give in to it? And it was SO worth it!

The rest of the eating today wasn't shabby. Had a healthy brunch and a good snack of cheese and crackers after school with the kids.

Life seems to be going well. We'll see what happens as the road lengthens. My plan.... to get on the treadmill as soon as all the kids are asleep. Hopefully within the next 30 minutes. (Hey.... they got new fish in the aquariums today. They are a little excited. It won't be long and they will pass out watching them.)

Day 1

I don't know how this thing works. I am a first timer. Funny how everyone in the blogging world starts out with those comments, isn't it? I am doing this to make my life..... easier. That and working with my cousin to lose 30 by 30. What is that? We both turn the big 3-0 in October. We have 21(ish) weeks to get this done. She has 16 days less than I do. My goal? To make it by HER birthday. That's only fair. Why the blogging? We both have issues with yo-yo dieting. No more. It's time to make a lifestyle change. PERIOD. That doesn't mean I am going vegetarian. That doesn't mean I am going completely fat free. That means I am going to make smaller portions and more fruits and veggies. The way I see it, my grandparents grew up on grissle. They didn't have high colesterol. I can eat the things I eat now. I don't eat bad. I eat too much. Not even so much that. I don't exercise. I hate it. I loathe it. I have a treadmill. I used it faithfully when my youngest daughter (who is now 3) was a newborn. I lost over 65 pounds in less than 4 months. That was all I did. Well, that and counted calories. I have gained most if not all of it back. Why? Because I not only got off the treadmill (I can go one night without it. I'll do it tomorrow. I am too tired tonight, three nights off won't hurt anything..... and now it's been 2 years), I also stopped counting. It's time to be more disciplined. So...... here we go. I don't know how to add pictures and the like yet. Hopefully one day I will have time to sit down and do so. But for now..... this will have to do.

On the roster for tomorrow. Eat a healthy breakfast (I am NOT a breakfsat person) and get on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes.

NOTE TO SELF~~ It's nice outside..... it is legal when the husband is home to walk outside where the sun may actually hit your face and you might just feel that much better about life in general!!! Go listen to the birds chirping in the morning air!! Fresh air!! NEW CONCEPT!!!