Hard

Everything. It all just seems so hard these days. Cooking. Cleaning. Blogging. Eating. Sleeping. All of it. I don't feel like I even have time to breathe most days. Oh don't get me wrong. I love my to do list right now. Although I wish some of the circumstances were different, I do love the list. I love taking Zack to school three days a week. I love all of my daycare kids as if they were my own. I love cuddling with Jenna on the couch or in my bed on nights when the hubs is on the road. I love helping Addison with homework. I love spending time cleaning Grandma's house and chatting it up with her. But now I am sick. Really sick. The yucky "flu" sick. Not the influenza type with the congestion and all that.... the kind where things are coming out of you from both ends and you can't stop once you start..... the kind where you ache from head to toe and just want to sleep the day away but can't because you have children to care for (just my own.... told daycare to stay away!!). But I have to tell you that even before I got sick, my give a s*** has been busted. I look around my house and think "Eh forget it, I'm going to bed!". I have been very much like Scarlet and the "Tomorrow is another day" attitude. Thing is.... tomorrow comes and the give a s*** is still busted. I am hoping that it's just a case of the duldrums and that I get over it soon. Maybe it's winter blues. I love winter, but it's still possible. Maybe it's the anticipation of the near future and what it holds. Maybe it's just life. Maybe God will take it away this time when I ask. Maybe not. Unanswered prayers, I know.... but I can hope that He will want what I want tonight. I want my gusto back, if only for a couple of days. Just to get the cobwebs down and the laundry caught up.

Once again, not a happy post. I am just not happy today. But..... tomorrow is another day......