Good time overall

My visit went alright. I say alright because there were good things and bad.

The bad things: Grandma is definitely declining. Rapid? I don't know. Just seems fast because my heart isn't ready. When she would sleep, which was most of the time, she was gray. There were times she would look at someone, only she wasn't really looking at them, she was looking through them in a state of confusion almost.

The good things: When she was awake, she and I would flip each other crap and giggle. My Aunt Leslie asked how I can get her to do that. I said because I don't talk to her like she is an infant, unlike everyone else around her. I do the same things we have always done and if she doesn't catch on, I do it again. If she still isn't catching on, I change the subject. Simple as that. I didn't have to change the subject once this time though. She caught it every time. It was a wonderful blessing, straight from God Himself. He knew I needed it, and He gave it to me. Thank you, God. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The Hospice Nurse came in while I was there and all I can say is thank God for Hospice. I really mean that. She told me more in 10 minutes than I have been told in the last 3 months, and even my dad said the same thing. We went over her med list because she doesn't take pills well. She honestly never has. And now that she is losing her capacity, it's even worse. The poor girl tries to take a pill and it doesn't get washed down and sits there and melts in her mouth. EWWW!!!! Can you imagine?!?! It makes me so sad! So I told her that anything we can take off the list (it's a page and a half long list.), like her bone density pill, we need to get off. She doesn't need to build her bone density. She is bedridden. She is going to die. Take them away! But then the nurse told me that they can even make a paste of her pain pill and put it on her arm and cover it with a bandaid and she can ingest it that way. AMAZING!!!! But, if you think about it, it makes sense. It would be like a nicotine patch. So, she was going to go over the list and call Grandma's doctor and talk to him about getting her off some things.

She also says that Grandma's pain is getting more prevalent. It was obvious to me, because I noticed her furrowed brow when she would sleep and asked about it. She agreed that the pain is why that was happening and it is time to get her on a more regular regimen of pain meds. So, she is getting her on that.

My Aunt Leslie asked the poor nurse 5 times if she could give us a time frame. I got mad. I could tell the nurse was uncomfortable with the question because let's face it, it is in God's hands. So, I spoke up. Shocking, I know! I told Leslie that there is no way to know at this point, it's in God's hands, and to enjoy TODAY and NOT worry about the future. I don't know that Leslie appreciated it, but the nurse did and so did my dad when I told him, and that is what I care about.... so THERE! Sheeeesh!

I also got a little angry because she is getting dehydrated and yet I was the only one that ever asked her if she needed a drink. What is that all about?!?!? Why am I the only one that can tell when she is needing a swig of water?!?! You would think if someone is sitting there with her day in and day out, they would be able to tell better than I, who is only there once a week!!! UGHHHH!!!! I digress....


It was hard to leave her. But, thankfully, my Grandma Shafer is only two blocks away. I called Grandma Shafer and she said to get on over. So I did. It was so wonderful to vent to her. She agreed with everything I said and questioned. She is such a wonderful woman. I found myself wondering on my ride home what I would do when one day I have no grandparents left. It really won't be long when you look at the big picture. I am not saying Gma Shafer is ill or on Death's doorstep. I think she has time left. However, in the walk of my life, I will have a lot of years without her. I rely on them. A lot. I relied on Gpa Shafer a lot too. Someday, there will be none. I just can't imagine. Today.... I will live for today. I will think about that when it is all done. Enjoy today. Thank God for one more day. Amen.