#2

As I was typing this, I turned around to find my 1 year old daycare baby walking around with 'her' ring and sapphire bracelet in her mouth! She leaves these things laying around on the end tables!!!! Did I mention she leaves them laying next to a large, full cup of water that she gets out of the water jug WE PAY FOR?? And she RARELY drinks all of the water she takes. She will fill a glass, drink maybe 1/4 of it, and the rest gets dumped down the drain. UUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I do this?

Why is it that I offer to help "friends" in need and end up ALWAYS regretting it and getting screwed?!?!? I have a family of 5, why do I feel the need to let "just one more" stay at my house? The last time I did this, I honestly didn't regret it. "Always" is an exaggeration. He didn't do anything out of line. He didn't abuse the situation. He helped out around the house and helped me rein in the kids when needed. HE was a real friend, and VERY grateful. However, this person..... ooooh this person.... I do her laundry, cook her meals, wash her dishes, sweep her hair off of my bathroom floor, listen to her sob stories, the list is getting longer and longer. Oh! Let's not forget!! SHE IS DATING ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS (who still asks about you MBG) AND NOW THINKS SHE JUST WANTS TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE!!!! The last time.... wait.... last TWO TIMES... she dated one of my friends, it ended up in freaking Armageddon and I lost a 20+ year best friend out of the deal and Jeremy lost a good friend of his (of which he has few). She takes my clothes without asking. I don't have a ton of clothes, ya know. She has a TON of work clothes down there and she feels the need to use the two nice outfits I have in my possession?!?!?! Oh and let's not forget! I had set out my things so that I could get up and get ready before the kids got up, trying to get into the school routine, and she came home from work that night and said (in a snide tone),"Thanks for leaving my deodorant and perfume out this morning so I didn't have to go in your room and get them!" Translation: I left MY deodorant and perfume laying on top of my clothes and she felt the need to use MINE AGAIN because she 'is too lazy to go alllll the way downstairs and get hers'!!!

Ok. I have to stop now or I never will. SUGGESTIONS?!?!? Because I can tell you that I am about to blow up and we ALL know what happens when I reach the breaking point!!!

Second Thursday

This is what I saw the first time:





And, last week, on the 24th of July, my second Thursday without a trip to Hastings, this is who I saw instead:





It's amazing to me how a 68ish year old man can still make my heart stop. The first time I saw him, I was with my grandma. My mom was supposed to go along, but got the flu, so Aunt Paula went in her place. It was so awesome. It was my first real concert. Ya know what I mean, my first concert somewhere other than a county fair. It snowed that night. It snowed TONS. But inside the arena, it was warm with the sound of Neil's voice and dance moves.

This time, he danced a lot less, but the sound of his voice hasn't changed a bit. And, my mom got to go with me!!! It was so bittersweet. We laughed, we cried, we danced, we screamed. What a wonderful way to remember one of Grandma's (and my) fondest memories and favorite singers!!!

I LOVE NEIL!!!! (As his t-shirts now read: NEIL ROCKS!!!!)

KOOL@ID BE DAMNED!!!!!!!!

My great Aunt Jan (Grandma's younger sister) and I had a rather long talk last night. It's funny, yet bittersweet, how well my grandmother is keeping us posted on who needs someone. For example, last Thursday, Aunt Jan called me. She said that something was telling her all day to call me and she finally decided to call and see how I was doing. Well, I told her, not great because it was my first Thursday without her. She admitted she didn't understand. Well, that was my day with Grandma, every week, for the last six months. OOOOOHHHH!!! NOW she got it!

Yesterday, I had a little voice telling me to call HER. So, I did. She was NOT having a good day. Everyone keeps calling her to make them laugh and perk them up. While she is the best person on the planet for such a task, her love cup needs to be refilled too (a quote straight from Grandma Barb: "My love cup is getting low, can you refill it?" Thus, you gave her hugs. *sniff sniff*). So, I refilled Aunt Jan's love cup last night. And we had FUN!

This is where the red devil in liquid form comes in to play.

My kids KNOW that they are not allowed to have drinks of ANY kind outside the borders of the kitchen unless there is a lid on said drinks. She followed the lid part. However..... there was no stopper in the lid that she chose. I now have a HUGE red stain on the carpet in front of the tv! And it's not just in the middle of the carpet. Oh no. It's right up against my 5,000,000 pound entertainment center where I can't get the carpet cleaner close enough (even with the hand tools) to get it out!!! UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

SUGGESTIONS?!?!?!?!?!?

Blah

Grief is such an ugly thing. I got home on Friday evening and just piled all of the crap out of the van in my room. There it sits. I have mounds and mounds of laundry to do, a bathroom that is so gross I just want to set off an M-80 and rebuild it, dishes in both basins of the sink that MUST get done, because there are no clean plates or glasses..... the list goes on and on. But I don't want to do any of it. I'm not talking about my normal 'it can wait' attitude when I decide to just take a day off from it all. I am talking that I really don't care if I ever get off the couch and shower again, let alone clean my house. I know this will pass. I know it's just part of the curriculum of grieving. I can't even put this into words, and that makes it even worse for me. I talk things out to help myself work them out. I can't do it. I can't put words to the things that I have seen and endured the last 6 months that just came to a screeching halt. I knew it was coming. I begged it to come, for her sake. But, here I am, left behind to endure the pain in my heart. I KNOW she is healthy again. I KNOW she is happy again. I KNOW it wasn't her I left at the cemetery. But I can't get that through to my heart. My brain gets it all. My heart is shattered. I HATE this. UGH!!!!

Final Trips

My dear Grandma Barb passed away this morning at 1:25. All of her kids got to see her and spend a little time with her before she went on her way. She was with my Aunt Leslie and the hospice nurse, Halli, that I spoke so highly of in a previous post.

Addison is so sad. I just can't quite get to her that Grandma is in a much better place and that she can still hear her, if she listens, in her heart. I, on the other hand, am not as sad. Not today anyway. My Grammy is in a wonderful, happy, joyous place where she can walk and talk and be merry again..... with Grandpa! Thirty years is a long time to wait to be with your spouse again. They are finally happy. They are at peace. Thank you God for calling her Home. She deserves it all.

The funeral is Friday at 10 am. Then, I will be sad. I already miss her smile.

Took a break

Yesterday, we went to Mom and Dad's for a cousins' reunion with my dad's family. It was so awesome. I can't even begin to explain the fun we had. Sounds like it's now going to be an every other year event, in Omaha, as that is most centrally located for everyone involved.

Thursday, I went to see Grandma, but it wasn't awesome in any sense of the word. It was sad. I cried a LOT. She slept the entire time I was there, save the first 5 minutes. She is definitely in pain. She is definitely declining. But, she is still alive and I will still be going weekly.

There really isn't a whole lot to report. Tomorrow, I will try and sit to type some of the stories from the reunion. I am tired of typing crappy posts. I hate being such a downer. I haven't seemed to be able to even catch a funny from one of the kids lately to post about. I know they do funny things each day. And I notice them at that point in time, but when I sit down to post when they are in bed, I can't recall what it was I was going to share. Ugh. It will all be over soon. I will have plenty of time to remember then......

Right?

On the road again....

I am going to see Grandma tomorrow as soon as I am up and showered and ready to go. My dad's cousins will be here from California for the weekend and Dad and one cousin, Jimmy, may be there while I am. I am hoping it all goes well, although the latest reports are worse than they ever have been. I am up to the challenge to show Dad and Jimmy (if the go) how I can pull her out of her dulldrum, comatose state and make her (if only for a couple of minutes) laugh and be ornery. I hope they are there. I hope they decide to go. My dad needs it at this point. The times are getting less in quantity. We need to cherish and embrace each and every one.

Wish me (and hopefully us) luck!